Things are kinda rough right now... Im really having a hard time with the missions team. I dont know what to do. And im losing all the members. I feel like the only reason we're all still doing it is because we HAVE to. I know that what we're doing is good. I know how much the missionaries out there need our support, but it's just... my heart's not in the team right now. And it's hard to watch this ministry, that i was put in charge of, fall apart. It's also hard cuz i know God called me to be in this team for a reason so i cant just leave it. God wants me here but i dont know why. It's getting really hard for me.
I've also been praying that God would help me to know what he wants me to do. And yeah, i think i've been hearing Him lately... but i dont really know how i can do what i think He's asking me to do. :( I know He'll help me to do it, it's just again, it's not what i want to be doing. My heart isnt in that. And i can't ignore God. I've tried it before. It's one of the stupidest moves you could possibley do. STUPIDEST! So im not going to do that.
Im really just struggling with these things right now.
On top of that, i have my problems in the family too. Like i feel really unappreciated. Besides doing school, i have to wash the dishes from lunch and cook dinner everyday. and i have tyo clean my room which is actually all 4 of our room. Though my parents tell me how thankful they are, it's like they just day it in words but i dont see it in their actions. Like they never want to do anything for me that will inconvinience them anymore. Like i need some money changed at the bank, and my mom went to the bank today. She left here at 10:40 and she had a meeting at 12. She told me it would take too long for them to coun the coins so she'll do it next time. And my dad, he said he'd get the zipper on my jacket fixed when he gets his pants fixed. then he went and did his without mine. :(
Friend problems too... though i dont want to get too into those right now. :( And what sucks worse is i know that my life is EASY. I have a Christian family, Im home schooled, My family is close with each other... so it makes it worse. Cuz i know other people have it harder but still im feeling like i cant handle everything at the moment. :((
This week is gonna be kinda good. Cuz my family is going on the Messiah Missions Week thingy so it'll be just me and maow for awhile. at least maybe i can cool off for a while while they're not here. Yeah that's pretty much what's going on right now.
I guess this is the answer to my prayer that i'd feel like i need to depend on God more... hahaha.
