Things are kinda rough right now... Im really having a hard time with the missions team. I dont know what to do. And im losing all the members. I feel like the only reason we're all still doing it is because we HAVE to. I know that what we're doing is good. I know how much the missionaries out there need our support, but it's just... my heart's not in the team right now. And it's hard to watch this ministry, that i was put in charge of, fall apart. It's also hard cuz i know God called me to be in this team for a reason so i cant just leave it. God wants me here but i dont know why. It's getting really hard for me.
I've also been praying that God would help me to know what he wants me to do. And yeah, i think i've been hearing Him lately... but i dont really know how i can do what i think He's asking me to do. :( I know He'll help me to do it, it's just again, it's not what i want to be doing. My heart isnt in that. And i can't ignore God. I've tried it before. It's one of the stupidest moves you could possibley do. STUPIDEST! So im not going to do that.
Im really just struggling with these things right now.
On top of that, i have my problems in the family too. Like i feel really unappreciated. Besides doing school, i have to wash the dishes from lunch and cook dinner everyday. and i have tyo clean my room which is actually all 4 of our room. Though my parents tell me how thankful they are, it's like they just day it in words but i dont see it in their actions. Like they never want to do anything for me that will inconvinience them anymore. Like i need some money changed at the bank, and my mom went to the bank today. She left here at 10:40 and she had a meeting at 12. She told me it would take too long for them to coun the coins so she'll do it next time. And my dad, he said he'd get the zipper on my jacket fixed when he gets his pants fixed. then he went and did his without mine. :(
Friend problems too... though i dont want to get too into those right now. :( And what sucks worse is i know that my life is EASY. I have a Christian family, Im home schooled, My family is close with each other... so it makes it worse. Cuz i know other people have it harder but still im feeling like i cant handle everything at the moment. :((
This week is gonna be kinda good. Cuz my family is going on the Messiah Missions Week thingy so it'll be just me and maow for awhile. at least maybe i can cool off for a while while they're not here. Yeah that's pretty much what's going on right now.
I guess this is the answer to my prayer that i'd feel like i need to depend on God more... hahaha.
Oh, Matty...
ReplyDeleteI'm really sad to read this blog entry, but thank you for letting me.
You're not going to lose me as a member of the Missions Team! Ugh! I'm really just not available on Saturdays. Really. =( I'm so sorry!
I'm really sorry! Don't lose heart. Pray a lot. If you think that God's putting your heart somewhere else, then that's what you follow. It's like what you said, ignoring Him is the stupidest.
You know I'll support you.
I love your parents. They're so nice. I'm sure that if you take the time to talk to them, they'll take the time to listen and understand. I'll pray fo you, Matty! =(
Huuuuugs.
thanks najee. God's really been doing things in my life lately to bring me back to Him. Im just trying to focus on God and not let these things bother me. But yeah, it's hard. Thanks for the prayers.
ReplyDeleteOoooooh Matt!!! :(. I hate it when that happens... it sucks right? Well, that's life sometimes. It's just that we have to look at what is more than life sometimes, i guess. You know, being Youth Living in View of Eternity and all. Don't look at it in a very finite point of view, of comparing you with other people, and all; it does not make anything better. I hope you will find the courage to pick up what God wants you to do. I'll pray for you Matt! God bless ya.
ReplyDeleteMatt, Let's dispel the myth that life is EASY for people like you (including me, actually.XD)
ReplyDeleteWe are in constant attack by the Devil. The enemy knows we are in a position in which we are secure in a way when it comes to faith. Everywhere we turn too, it seems that we have something holding us back from sin. So the devil breaks that down to enable us to break away from that. Even if you're not doing so, you would realize it's a constant struggle.
I'm here for you, Matt especially on these kinds of struggles. Always remember that. :)
To jeff: yeah, i know it's never a good idea to compare yourself to others. tnx for the prayers.
ReplyDeleteTo arrow: Yeah i guess that makes a lot of sense. thanks so much!
Just to let everyone know, things are kinda getting better already. Im just trying to change the way i look at the situations. As for the missions team and the what God wants me to do part, i think i need to pray about it more. cuz honestly, i dont pray much about it. Thanks again to everyone.
Hi K'ya. First of all, sorry I wasn't able to read this entry in time... I really haven't been on the PC much, so now's actually the only time I've gotten to use it in the past month.
ReplyDeleteDon't lose heart! Keep praying and trusting in God. :) I know you Matt, and I know that you've been through these kind of things before. God knows that you can do this, too. Remember that He'll never give you anything you can't handle. So I think the best thing to do right now is to try and set your heart right and just keep praying. I'm sure He's very happy to be seeing you trying to listen to Him and live for Him. :)
Oh, I know you'll be alright, Kuya Matt. :) We'll keep praying for you, and if ever you need someone to talk with or if you need company, I'm right here for you. :)
God bless you Matt.>:D<