1

BUZZ!!!
baby_webhead: hey
baby_webhead: you ok?
Nicah Santos: yep.
Nicah Santos: Sorry it took my so long.
Nicah Santos: Just finished up a project.
baby_webhead: ok
Nicah Santos: okay.
Nicah Santos: you go first.
baby_webhead: oh maaaan
baby_webhead: i dont know how to start
baby_webhead: hahaha
Nicah Santos: XD take your time.
Nicah Santos: well, not really.
baby_webhead: i think you pretty much understand it tho
baby_webhead: its like...
baby_webhead: but the thing i
baby_webhead: s
baby_webhead: i hate not benig ok with you
baby_webhead: like when i saw you on sunday and then it felt awkward for me, i hated that so much
Nicah Santos: I noticed that you were awkward.
baby_webhead: that i couldnt look you in the eyes
baby_webhead: that sucked
baby_webhead: but
baby_webhead: i hate fighting with you MORE than anything that bothers me
baby_webhead: like even if im jealous of robin or even if i feel like your just using me...its like 10 times worse when im fighting with you
Nicah Santos: we're not fighting, alright?
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: If we were fighting, I wouldn't have even looked at you yesterday.
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: wow thanks
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: ...sarcastic?
baby_webhead: very
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: anyway
baby_webhead: i was gonna say something i cant remember
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: wait
baby_webhead: hmmmm
Nicah Santos: just keep typing.
baby_webhead: im sorry?
baby_webhead: cuz...sometimes i just feel like bringing up issues when i feel hurt
baby_webhead: but sometimes they arent worth briinging up
Nicah Santos: this is worth bringing up.
Nicah Santos: wait.
Nicah Santos: should I go first?
Nicah Santos: i know what to say.
baby_webhead: go
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: thing is...
Nicah Santos: It's REALLY hard for me that you guys dislike each other so much.
Nicah Santos: You dislike him.
Nicah Santos: He really dislikes you.
Nicah Santos: And I'm caught between you two, 'cause I love you both so much.
Nicah Santos: I was really upset Friday night 'cause I realized that some day, I might have to pick between you two.
Nicah Santos: 'cause it seems like things aren't ever gonna be alright if I keep you both in my life.
Nicah Santos: and I CAN'T.
Nicah Santos: I CANNOT choose.
Nicah Santos: If one of you makes me choose, I will not be able to.
Nicah Santos: What then?
baby_webhead: im not gonna ask you to choose
Nicah Santos: I'll just forget you both? that's gonna suck like crazy.
baby_webhead: even if you choose him im still gonna be here for you
baby_webhead: you know that right?
baby_webhead: but that doesnt mean im not gona get hurt
baby_webhead: but i wont just leave you
Nicah Santos: C'mon.
Nicah Santos: That's not gonna happen.
Nicah Santos: I mean.
Nicah Santos: I said it na.
Nicah Santos: I'm not gonna choose.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: its like this
baby_webhead: you know naman i like you
baby_webhead: and i hope you understand what that means from my side
baby_webhead: cuz ive talked to you about didi and najee
baby_webhead: so you know how i am with all this
baby_webhead: but im not gonna do make the moves naman
baby_webhead: espescially not now
baby_webhead: cuz itd be...weord
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: but that doesnt mean im not gonna wait for you
baby_webhead: like if things with you and robin work
baby_webhead: then
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: but if not, ill see where it goes from there
baby_webhead: but theres something i have to tell you tho
Nicah Santos: okay.
baby_webhead: remember when i told you i liked you...i said that if i do anything its just cuz you're my best friend and not cuz i like you
Nicah Santos: right?
baby_webhead: its really hard to do
baby_webhead: cuz its not just 2 feelings i can seperate
baby_webhead: they over lap a lot
baby_webhead: cuz i love you...in 2 ways....but those two ways cant be separated
baby_webhead: does that make sense?
Nicah Santos: It does.
Nicah Santos: I figured.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: But I kinda just gave you the benefit of the doubt and stopped trying to treat you differently.
Nicah Santos: Like I make a conscious effort to shake the thought off.
Nicah Santos: "It's okay to hug him like this 'cause he's my best friend."
Nicah Santos: Stuff like that.
Nicah Santos: Then afterwards, I realize that you're not just my best friend.
Nicah Santos: You're my best friend with really strong emotions who's confused.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: right
baby_webhead: the reason this is hard is cuz
baby_webhead: its not wrong that i like you...and its not wrong that you like him...its just how we handle the situation that makes it right or wrong
Nicah Santos: are we handling it wrong?
Nicah Santos: am I/
Nicah Santos: *?
baby_webhead: we're not
baby_webhead: we're talking about it
Nicah Santos: Okay.
baby_webhead: i think its so awesome that nothing changed between us
baby_webhead: although i wished that they would have
baby_webhead: but then i realized it could have gone so totally wrong
baby_webhead: but it didnt
baby_webhead: cuz you;re awesome like that
Nicah Santos: so are you.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: you know, you don't have to try so hard to set your feelings aside.
Nicah Santos: 'cause I know it hurts you when you do.
baby_webhead: you know, i worry about you all the time
baby_webhead: when we dont text for a day i worry about you
baby_webhead: but at ministry week, i got really distracted with kat
baby_webhead: (i need to be honest here)
baby_webhead: and i stopped thinking about you so much
baby_webhead: and it was nice
Nicah Santos: isn't that a good thing?
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: cuz i didnt worry so much and it didnt hurt every time i knew you were with him
baby_webhead: and then when i got back
baby_webhead: things slowly went back
baby_webhead: but that time you told me "i dont know whats going on with you lately"
baby_webhead: i liked the fact that for once you were the one who needed me more than i needed you
baby_webhead: cuz i really need you...as a best friend
baby_webhead: but yeah
Nicah Santos: you know...
Nicah Santos: if we're thinking realistically.
Nicah Santos: the whole best friend thing's changed.
baby_webhead: like how?
Nicah Santos: 'cause even if you say it's okay to talk about Robin and all that (like best friends are supposed to), I can't. 'cause it hurts you, and I don't wanna be the one to hurt you.
Nicah Santos: there are boundaries that I used to be able to cross before all this, which I can't now.
baby_webhead: im sorry
baby_webhead: you know i try hard too
baby_webhead: like i ask about him even if i dont want to know
baby_webhead: because i want to know whats going on in your life
baby_webhead: i dont want it to be like what happened in the summer
baby_webhead: and then all of a sudden you have a thing with him na pala and i didnt know
Nicah Santos: Right.
Nicah Santos: I was afraid to tell you, and now I am again.
baby_webhead: it hurts when i ask you about it but id rather know than not know
baby_webhead: this sucks so much cuz im supposed to be happy for you that you have someone
Nicah Santos: and i'm supposed to be all, "so, how's it going with ___? " or "hey, you okay? things alright with ___?"
Nicah Santos: BUT I CAAAAN'T.
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: its just that with you its so different
baby_webhead: i mean
baby_webhead: than with other people
baby_webhead: when im with you even if im angry all of a sudden im not angry anymore
baby_webhead: and when you're there its like the other things that are on my mind dont matter as muich
baby_webhead: and its always kinda been that way
baby_webhead: ever since
baby_webhead: just cuz you;'re important to me
baby_webhead: but now its like...whoa.
baby_webhead: im trying to figure out how to deal with it
Nicah Santos: well that's 'cause i'm your best friend, right?
baby_webhead: yeah it is
Nicah Santos: but you're still waiting for something.
baby_webhead: yeah...
baby_webhead: if he wasnt there would there be a chance?
baby_webhead: if there isnt...then i dunno...it wont change how i feel naman
Nicah Santos: Honestly, I don't know.
Nicah Santos: because you're just too much of a brother to me.
Nicah Santos: To the point that when you told me you liked me,
Nicah Santos: I felt like..
Nicah Santos: "EWWW, INCEST."
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: and when you said that we should reconsider each other when we're older,
Nicah Santos: in my head, I was all...
Nicah Santos: "sure, like that's happening.  "
Nicah Santos: 'cause...
Nicah Santos: I just don't see it.
baby_webhead: hey i didnt say that! you did!
Nicah Santos: 'cause you're my KUYA.
baby_webhead: you made the 5 years thing not me
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: i understand
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: WAS NOT ME.
Nicah Santos: YOU PROPOSED IT.
baby_webhead: IT SO WAS!
baby_webhead: why would i propose that????
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: i dunno
Nicah Santos: 'CAUSE YOU'RE CRAZY.
baby_webhead: excuse me???
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: I'm sorry.
Nicah Santos: Can't get something off my chest right now so I don't have to say it ever again to you? XD
baby_webhead: sure
Nicah Santos: I love you Robin. And you gotta know it's big deal, because I'm using the word "love" here.
Nicah Santos: Which trust me, I don't just throw around.
Nicah Santos: *I love Robin
Nicah Santos: FAAAAAIL. XD
baby_webhead: you suck
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I'm sorry.
Nicah Santos: Wait c'mon.
Nicah Santos: so the pain's over with na.
Nicah Santos: can I go on? XD
baby_webhead: yeah
Nicah Santos: It's to the point that I really do see something with him in the future. Like... Long long future.
Nicah Santos: My mom told me that she'll allow me to have a boyfriend when
Nicah Santos: 1. I'm mature enough.
Nicah Santos: and number 2. when she sees that marriage is becoming a big part of my life.
Nicah Santos: like, i'm giving importance to it.
Nicah Santos: and that's why she's allowing me to be his girlfriend next yaer.
Nicah Santos: *year.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: as in like...any time next year?
Nicah Santos: uh.
Nicah Santos: once i'm 16.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: im still gonna wait for you tho...
baby_webhead: ...cuz if God doesnt want me to like you he'll take away what i feel
baby_webhead: but that does suck...but that is awesome for you
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: you don't feel that way.
baby_webhead: if ever i get mad at you/...just try to understand
baby_webhead: that i dont mean it
Nicah Santos: okay.
Nicah Santos: no smiley?
baby_webhead: no smiley
Nicah Santos: oh.
baby_webhead: its ok
baby_webhead: there...smiley na
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: Haaaay.
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: what else do you wanna say?
baby_webhead: i dont know him so i cant understand what you do
baby_webhead: thats all
Nicah Santos: what do you mean "what you do"?
baby_webhead: i dont see the whole situation the way you do
baby_webhead: but hats off to him cuz he got you
Nicah Santos:  Thank you.
Nicah Santos: I know you don't. XD
Nicah Santos: He doesn't either.
Nicah Santos: He doesn't understand why our situation affects me so much.
baby_webhead: wwooooohoooooooooooo
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: ok
Nicah Santos: what woohoo?
baby_webhead: nothing
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: thats me
baby_webhead: something something
baby_webhead: nothing
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: NOT MAKING SENSE BESPREN.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: im trying not to say things that i know i shouldnt say
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:  Hmmkay.
baby_webhead: you know when i wake up to text you at 6 i have nothing else to wake up for except that
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: sorry i just wanted to say that
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I know.
Nicah Santos: You miss me eh.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: you wanna know how my day goes?
baby_webhead: i guess so
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I text you in the morning.
Nicah Santos: I go to school.
Nicah Santos: Get in the car, tired as heck.
Nicah Santos: Then he starts texting me.
Nicah Santos: And then you start texting me.
Nicah Santos: And then I start feeling torn.
Nicah Santos: And then he calls.
Nicah Santos: And I forget all about that.
Nicah Santos: And then I pray before bed.
Nicah Santos: And I realize I haven't talked to you since that afternoon.
Nicah Santos: And then I get guilty.
Nicah Santos: And then I miss you.
Nicah Santos: Then it starts all over again.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: you wanna know how my day goes?
baby_webhead: i wake up at 6 to text you
baby_webhead: half asleep in bed till 7
baby_webhead: then i get up and text you till you go to class
baby_webhead: then i do my devos
baby_webhead: go to school
baby_webhead: then at lunch i look at the clock and wonder what you're doing
baby_webhead: and i wonder if you are too busy to text
baby_webhead: then after school i go home
baby_webhead: and i shake the thought of you and him while i study
baby_webhead: then by 5 i sometimes get the courage to text you for a bit
baby_webhead: then i figure you have better things to do with your time
baby_webhead: then i use the PC
baby_webhead: then sleep
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: well thats life
baby_webhead: you cant make everyone happy
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: But but.
Nicah Santos:  Hay.
Nicah Santos: I don't know.
baby_webhead: you know what the funny thing is?
baby_webhead: you said you;d never choose but you kinda do
baby_webhead: you kinda choose him over me everyday
baby_webhead: and thats the part that i was talking about when i texted you on friday
baby_webhead: thats the thing that hurts me
Nicah Santos: i'm sorry.
Nicah Santos: i try not to.
Nicah Santos: that's why i give my mornings to you.
baby_webhead: ah man
baby_webhead: i feel so torn right now too
baby_webhead: but im just gonna keep doing what im doing cuz we're still great friends and i dont want that to change
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: what are you torn between?
baby_webhead: cuz half of me wants to be like "forget you. im not waking up at 6 to text you anymore"
baby_webhead: but thats just my immature side coming out
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: cuz  you;re still important to me
Nicah Santos: wait.
Nicah Santos: so you don't like that you have my mornings?
baby_webhead: i do
baby_webhead: its just weird that its like you;re on a time share
baby_webhead: mornings is matt and the rest is robin
Nicah Santos: ahh.
Nicah Santos: i have that problem.
baby_webhead: i just wish you were my best friend all day and not just mornings
Nicah Santos: I am.
Nicah Santos: I'm your best friend ALWAYS.
Nicah Santos: But I can't give both of you my full attention.
Nicah Santos: And I can't give you just 50 percent of my attention and him 50 percent of my attention.
Nicah Santos: 'cause you both deserve a lot better than that.
baby_webhead: i know
baby_webhead: i understand
baby_webhead: can i be emo about this? XP
baby_webhead: if you tell me no then ill shake it off
Nicah Santos: ...
Nicah Santos: uhh.
Nicah Santos: i don't know.
Nicah Santos: NO.
Nicah Santos: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE EMO.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: you suck!!!!!!!!!!!!
baby_webhead: sorry i cant obey you
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: YOU WILL.
baby_webhead: im walking in the rain tomorrow!
baby_webhead: and ill get sick!
baby_webhead: cuz of you!
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: jk
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO WALK IN THE RAAAIN.
Nicah Santos: STOP IT.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: *
baby_webhead: ajklsffffffff'eg
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: Grr.
baby_webhead: can i vent it al out right now?
Nicah Santos: I have to go.
baby_webhead: dang
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: ill find someone
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: thanks for telling me everything  
Nicah Santos: You're my best friend.
Nicah Santos: Of course I tell you everything.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: Well, now I do.
Nicah Santos: I'm sorry, okay?
baby_webhead: no you;re not
baby_webhead: but its ok
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: no you are...
baby_webhead: sorry im bitter pa
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: oki
baby_webhead: ill text you tomorrow
baby_webhead: at 6
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I am.
Nicah Santos: ALright.
Nicah Santos: Wait.
Nicah Santos: Would I rather I not show this to Robin?
baby_webhead: you can show him
Nicah Santos: sure?
baby_webhead: yeah...i dont care what you show him
Nicah Santos: alright.
Nicah Santos: I have to go.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos is typing a message.
Nicah Santos: we okay na?
baby_webhead: yeah...WE'RE ok
baby_webhead: 

Open my window, oh oh oh I'm ready to live with this And you walk by my window, oh oh oh You give me something to miss... Jack's Mannequin :)

And you never write me letters And you never sent my sweaters So I could stay warm when I was without you Without you I don't have... A place that's safe from all the monsters That hide in my head and sing me to sleep (sleep) This is the last straw...

Ministry Week 2009

Ministry week in batangas. Nov12-16. Was an amazing experience. Got to do a lot of ministry work; sharing the gospel and encouraging believers. Had so much fun bonding too! Our house was ON the beach!!!!

super short venting session

im tired of getting hurt by you. im tired of not being able to sleep at night cuz im thinking of you. Im tired of him being better than me in your eyes. i dont understand why. i guess its the people closest to us that can hurt us the most. :(

what makes him better than me? what makes you defend hiim so hard? what makes him get more priority over your best friend?

P.S. i hate him a lot tonight...only cuz i cant hate you.

i know ill feel better in the morning. im just letting it out for now.

school time tomorrow!!!! boo!!!

I said, "I've got to be honest, I've been waiting for you all of my life. For so long I thought I was asylum bound, But just seeing you makes me think twice. And being with you here makes me sane. I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side." "You've got wits, You've got looks, You've got passion, But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

sem break good bye

My sembreak goes till tuesday next week, but this is pretty much it for me. let me explain why.

The first week of our 2nd sem in school is ministry week. We do a 4 day outreach. My team is going to Laguna. Anyway, tomorrow my team has all day planning. as in 10-4. so yeah. ummm...im gonna miss Nix's glee competition cuz i wont be here on the 15th :| super bummer talaga cuz i really wanted to watch her :(
but getting back on topic, after 4pm i have band prac in church from 7-10ish. im excited for it naman tho. its just...yes :)) friday night is the same thing. :P

These past few days ive done ultra bumming already. so i guess ive gotten my fair share. Xboxed :P beat Halo ODST with maow, got a higher hi-score in batman, and yeah...photoshopped L4D pics :P I played guitar a lot. practice fo practice. you know how that goes :))

hmmmm...on a more serious note, i was reading someones blog recently. the person mentioned drinking an alcoholic drink. not getting drunk naman. so the thing is i know its not a sin, but its just....touchy. for me. you know what i mean? ive personally promised myself im never gonna drink. ever. its just my conviction. i dunno. i guess to each his own right? as long as it doesnt go against the Bible. It's really something important to me to be able to pass on high standards and convictions to the next generation of Christians after me...i just dont really know how. i want to be a discipler na but God hasnt given me anyone yet.

hmmmm....what else? been worrying myself with things i shouldnt be worrying about. things that i should just let go to God cuz i cant do much about it anyway.  so yeah. i guess ill be fine

my devos is good. :)

havent been out of the house in a while. till tonight. i went to Mark's BS. hahaha. when i looked in the mirror i was like "wow i need to shave na pala" :P hahaha. was like a week na almost since i did. then i realized also i hair was super poofy na :)) as in :P hahaha. the pains of being vain =)) im not THAT vain tho. i just want to look .....not yuck :P hehehe

Last sunday, i watched 500 days of summer. it made me think about a lot of stuff. People are often selfish when it comes to love life. And it is also something that is hard to understand. why do people fall for the people they do? Even when it seems perfect with someone, sometimes they just dont "feel" it. then with other people they do. kinda weird huh? There was also this part where the girl was like **SPOILER** i was reading a book and the guy approached me. what if i decided to see a movie instead? **SPOILER** the point is people meet by "chance" but we know its not chance. God meant for us to meet certain people. God meant for us to fall in love with some, and others not. Like what if that day when i met...someone...i decided to do something else and i didnt meet her. Then what? who would it be now? or what if i skipped one of my former "loves"? what lessons would i have missed out on learning? Love is crazy like that. Super. but it was a really awesome movie :D i enjoyed it a lot! the girl is crazy tho =)) I got super kilig in the begining and in the end :P Heehee :P

OH! AND DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL IS COMING OUT WITH A NEW ALBUM! this month! freaking awesome :D told louise about it and we listened to one of the tracks thats already out. sounds really good :D Dashboard is one of the bands i like because they talk about what im feeling...but they just say it better than me :P

i guess ill end with lyrics from one of their songs. standard lines. louise posted lyrics to it recently and i remembered that its a really good song. haaaaaaaaaaay. :D way to go!

"Which of the bold faced lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy, you really deserve it,
this will be the best for us both in the end.

But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude but it will do.

Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you. I've just been so busy.
We'll catch up soon.
Let's make it a point to.

But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve...
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude, but it will do.

but It will do...
I hope it will do..."

Old pics :P

wala lang. i like looking at the ones jai posted :))

L4D zombies wallpaper

so i super loved the survivors one i made so i made one for the zombies. again, its L4D 1 and 2 so the jockey, spitter, and charger are added :)

tagaytay pics...my fail cam

7 pics lang then memory card error :)) so i used jai and majars cams nalang while we were there :P