After God's own heart :)

I just came from a church retreat this past sunday-monday. The title was "A Team After God's Own Heart". We talked about the difference between being committed to God, and being surrendered to God. When you are committed to God, you get burned out cuz you focus on "doing". When you are surrendered to God, you focus on "being".

We also talked about loving God. Love is patient (goes through long suffereing) love is kind, does not envy, does not boast, and so on and so on.

I've really been trying to put God first lately. I've been trying to show Him i love Him first. It's hard tho. But im getting there.

God is testing me right now. He's seeing if i learned anything from this retreat. He's been testing me since the moment i got back. And honestly I havent been doing so well with it. But im working on it.

"I'm working on it" has kinda been how i can describe everything in my life lately. Working on it. School, love life, spiritual life, friends. Working on it.

I'm just committing it all to God and knowing He'll do what's best :) I want to want what He wants. i want to be a man after his own heart :)

Loving someone means you don't look for anything in return. :)

I know you won't see this, but this song is for you :)

She said "I've gotta be honest,

You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
And I said "you must be mistaken,
I'm not fooling... this feeling is real"
She said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"You've got wits, you've got looks,
You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."
All wrong.
All wrong.
But you got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
You've got wits... you've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

Tonight.
Tonight.
But you've got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

Used to

I have a leaders retreat tomorrow till monday. This was supposed to happen during sem break, but it was canceled because of the rain. So anyway, it's gonna be tuloy tomorrow.

Anyway...i was just thinking yesterday about "words". We really have to be careful with them because they are so powerful. They can build people up or tear them down right? But on the other hand, I was thinking about how words don't mean anything if they aren't backed up with actions. Honestly, that's the one that annoys me more. I wish when people say things, they mean it. I do.

I mean what i say. And when people tell me things, i always think they mean it too. But their actions show that they were just trying to say "the right thing". Maybe it was just in the moment?

Yesterday was awesome...after school. I wish everyday was like that. but sadly, you can't always get your wish. Made me think of this song. (this is the only version of it i could find on youtube)




"Used To"

"You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around.
You used to lean on me like
The only other choice was falling down.
You used to walk with me like
We had nowhere we needed to go,
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when
I got lost along the way.
I used to listen.
You always had just the right thing to say.
I used to follow you.
Never really cared where we would go,
Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,
And I want you to be there
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Look around you.
It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around,
The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be, yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be. "

sometimes you need to take your own advise ;)

Are you sure you want to overwrite this file?

Last night i realized I have a really short attention span. I couldn't get myself to write my papers or do the research that i needed. I'd kept getting distracted or I wouldn't understand what i was reading.Come on brain! PC mode yourself!!! Hahahaha!

I finished 2 of the 5 papers. At least today is Friday and I don't have class. I guess that means i get to write papers in the lib after everyone heads to their classes.

I need to retrain my brain to just focus on one thing at a time, because when it reaches its capacity, it starts to overwrite files :))

Because Taylor says it better...sorta xp

Lyrics to You Belong With Me: the guy version :))


You're on the phone with your "boyfriend", he's upset
he's going off about something that you said
he doesnt get your humor like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music he doesnt like
And he'll never know your story like I do

But he wears polos, I wear t-shirts
he's team captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walking the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinking to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since he brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a boy like that?
he wears hoodies, I wear t-shirts
he's team captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember me driving to your house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

Who needs sleep?

Lately i haven't been sleeping much. Been catching up with my sleep in the lobby after classes.

Every night, i do my work. Sometimes its academic work, other times its me working on my spirtual life or on personal things. But regardless of what, I work. Before sleeping, i pray ad i think, and when i wake up I am still thinking. Thinking about what i have to do for the day and that everyday is a new day. I keep telling myself that recently and i don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing.

From the moment my eyes open, my mind moves, and i can't get back to sleep. 5 hours or 4 only. I wake up at 8 when my class is at 1:30. Why does my mind have to be so active lately? Maybe because i have a lot going on in my mind. REDUNDANT MUCH???? :))

It's hard to sleep when you always want to be awake. I don't want to miss a moment of reality because I love reality right now. Granted, its drama, but its exciting. I never know what's going to happen. But I love every day cuz it takes me one step closer...to things less than three ;) hehehe...But God first. God always first.

Day by day, week by week, ....not month by month tho, im not that crazy :)) Every day is a new day. Where will it take me today? Who needs sleep?

Time Traveling

My name is Matt Del Rosario. i am 20 years old. And I just decided to move to blogspot instead of multiply. I get to be more open this way i guess. Not too many people looking. This kind of reminds me of the first time i blogged on friendster then moved to multiply. Felt like i was opening up a whole new world. Leaving behind my younger issues and preparing to face the future.

Recently ive not been doing so good. If only i could go back and tell myself that the troubles i used to be going through weren't nearly as bad as the ones i'm going through now.

I would tell my 4 year old self to not feel bad that he always had to sit in the back of the stroller because his younger brother always got the front. I'd also tell him not to be jealous that his younger brother gets to ride in the shopping cart all the time and he had to just hang on the side. I'd wipe away his tears as he secretly wanted a toy but knew that missionaries should be using their money for better things. If only i could comfort him and tell him to enjoy his life because things are only going to get more complicated. "I feel you're pain. I know what you feel because i was there. Don't take it too hard"

I would go back to my 10 year old self and tell him not be jealous that all his friends would ask if maow could come out to play, and he would just have to tag along. I'd also tell him to not be so worried about what other people thought about him in sunday school. "It's not what people say about you, or about what you get, but its about God and how you fit into his picture."

I would tell my 14 year old self that its ok to be heart broken for the first time. "She doesn't hate you matt, she  just doesnt see you that way. She's not avoiding you, she's just interested in him. You guys aren't really even friends, but don't worry. Soon you'll know what its like to have real friends." I'd tell him to keep working at guitar, drawing, and video games, and enjoy being good at it before his brother outdoes him in everything. "Hang in there kid. I know what you are going through, but enjoy it because things aren't going to get easier"

I'd tell my 19 year old self, "i know you're heart broken again. again and again. But you need to learn to listen to God. There are consequences when You don't. Sometimes God gives you a second chance, but other times He doesn't. He's God, so who are you to question Him?"

So what would my 30 year old self tell me now if we got the chance to talk. Maybe he'd say "matt, i know you are trying to do the right thing. I know you are always giving of yourself, not expecting in return, not getting in return, and always willing to get hurt if it would only keep his friends from getting hurt. Don't give up, because if you do, you'll regret it.I know what you are going through. Just hang in there."

But i guess thats kind of like what God has been telling me my whole life. As a kid, he saw my pain of being left out and never getting what i wanted. He saw my first heart break and all the ones that followed. And he sees me now. He knows what im feeling. And He's telling me "Matt, hang in there. I know it hurts, but don't give up. I know what's coming next, and I'm preparing you for it. Just be patient. Do you believe I've got it under control?"

Yes God, I believe. And I know You're got me.

This is the story of my life today. Giving up to God the little that i have, making the most of the blessings He's giving me, and trusting Him to change me into who He wants me to be. At the right time.

20 year old Matt, enjoy your life. you don't know what's coming next, but God does. And He's got it. He's got you. :)

'"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

lately, just 6 hours of sleep seems to be enough for me....i guess thats a good thing :))

God, You are first and I will always love you first :)

i hurt my arm from the itouch punching game D:

just want to spend time with you. thats all.

had a sucky day but it turned around in the end :) Thanks to everyone who spent time with me today xD

praying praying praying :)

GOING TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!! xD

at least i still have 2 friends who care about me...

Dusk and Summer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEO5rAcwlvc

she smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
when the world is hers and she held your eyes
out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
and she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
she looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

but you've already lost (x3)
when you only had barely enough to hang on

and she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
and she made you better than you'd been before
she told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
and she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
she said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

but you've already lost(x3)
when you only had barely enough to hang on

she said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
and you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
days like that should last and last and last

but you've already lost(x3)
when you only had barely enough of her to 
hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on 

sembreak?

Well first id like to start out by saying ive been wanting to blog for a long time. Since sem break started :P but yeah. Here i am blogging on the last day of sembreak.

Been an awesome sembreak. for real. UCF and WWE overnight with strong luigi and liam. Greg overnight SvR2009 till morning! Party at Daniel's. FF overnight. random date with people (najee, sean, kat, june, ...anyone i miss?)  Basta, super bonding and stuff :D

Ministry week is coming up. in ...2 days? hmmm...its really hard to get focused for this one. I don't know why im so easily distracted now. sucks. And i need to learn how to be less open. ..i dont know how. i dont know how to do a lot of things. like...GYH :P right? im ready...expect the best but prepare for the worst is what i always say...but in this case im expecting the worst and preparing for the worst. See? i got off topic again....FOCUS. hayyy....need to do my devos

Honestly, i dont see a good end to any of this right now. bahala si lord cuz i cant do anything about it. haaaay, God, pls tell me you know what you are doing to me.

"I am fairly agile

I can bend and not break 
Or I can break and take it with a smile 
And I am so resilient 
I recover quickly 
I'll convince you soon that I am fine "

"You called to say you wanted out.

Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to fold
before you're found out.
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself."

"I guess it’s luck, but it’s the same 
Hard luck, you’ve been trying to tame 
Maybe it’s love, but it’s like you said 
“Love is like a role that we play.” 

"If it is born in flames then we should let it burn
Burn as brightly as we can
And if it's gotta end then let it end in flames
Let it burn all the way down, all the way down

And if this is ever meant to end, then I hope it ends where it began
So hot with love, we burned our hands
If this is ever meant to end, then I hope it ends where it began
So hot with love, it burns our hands"

Best sem break. But now its time to get back to the real world. here we go.

you're different...

secondhand serenade music trip! ay....why am i affected? :))