Time Traveling

My name is Matt Del Rosario. i am 20 years old. And I just decided to move to blogspot instead of multiply. I get to be more open this way i guess. Not too many people looking. This kind of reminds me of the first time i blogged on friendster then moved to multiply. Felt like i was opening up a whole new world. Leaving behind my younger issues and preparing to face the future.

Recently ive not been doing so good. If only i could go back and tell myself that the troubles i used to be going through weren't nearly as bad as the ones i'm going through now.

I would tell my 4 year old self to not feel bad that he always had to sit in the back of the stroller because his younger brother always got the front. I'd also tell him not to be jealous that his younger brother gets to ride in the shopping cart all the time and he had to just hang on the side. I'd wipe away his tears as he secretly wanted a toy but knew that missionaries should be using their money for better things. If only i could comfort him and tell him to enjoy his life because things are only going to get more complicated. "I feel you're pain. I know what you feel because i was there. Don't take it too hard"

I would go back to my 10 year old self and tell him not be jealous that all his friends would ask if maow could come out to play, and he would just have to tag along. I'd also tell him to not be so worried about what other people thought about him in sunday school. "It's not what people say about you, or about what you get, but its about God and how you fit into his picture."

I would tell my 14 year old self that its ok to be heart broken for the first time. "She doesn't hate you matt, she  just doesnt see you that way. She's not avoiding you, she's just interested in him. You guys aren't really even friends, but don't worry. Soon you'll know what its like to have real friends." I'd tell him to keep working at guitar, drawing, and video games, and enjoy being good at it before his brother outdoes him in everything. "Hang in there kid. I know what you are going through, but enjoy it because things aren't going to get easier"

I'd tell my 19 year old self, "i know you're heart broken again. again and again. But you need to learn to listen to God. There are consequences when You don't. Sometimes God gives you a second chance, but other times He doesn't. He's God, so who are you to question Him?"

So what would my 30 year old self tell me now if we got the chance to talk. Maybe he'd say "matt, i know you are trying to do the right thing. I know you are always giving of yourself, not expecting in return, not getting in return, and always willing to get hurt if it would only keep his friends from getting hurt. Don't give up, because if you do, you'll regret it.I know what you are going through. Just hang in there."

But i guess thats kind of like what God has been telling me my whole life. As a kid, he saw my pain of being left out and never getting what i wanted. He saw my first heart break and all the ones that followed. And he sees me now. He knows what im feeling. And He's telling me "Matt, hang in there. I know it hurts, but don't give up. I know what's coming next, and I'm preparing you for it. Just be patient. Do you believe I've got it under control?"

Yes God, I believe. And I know You're got me.

This is the story of my life today. Giving up to God the little that i have, making the most of the blessings He's giving me, and trusting Him to change me into who He wants me to be. At the right time.

20 year old Matt, enjoy your life. you don't know what's coming next, but God does. And He's got it. He's got you. :)