its been a while

I havent written a blog in a while...well, lemme tell you why. It's because i never knew if  i was gonna say i was doing good or i was doing bad. Seriously, like every other day was bad! And worse than that, every other day between those were good! it's been making me crazy.

I guess it all started at set free. i had a lotta miscommunications with Khat about the backstage crew. And then we had to seriously cram those last few days of practice.  On the day itself, i was really stressed out because i couldnt gather my group of backstage crew so we could talk about details and pray. But it's not their fault cuz they were all working on gray team skit and dance min. So i was really stressed out about that... hehe.. let's just say i punched a lotta walls during the tech run.  I found an escape from all the craziness though. It was the light tech room. hahaha. Seriously. Cuz it was just like james, neil, liam,a nd sometimes saki up there. And it was far enough from all the panic down below that i could relax for a while. Well... everything ended up great in the end.  =D  There's actually not much else to say about it, except God showed me again that if you give him your best, that's all that matters. he'll take care of the rest :)

After set free... ummm... i guess that's where things started getting....badish. Haha. funny word. anyway, ever since then, i've been going through this "im doing good one day, and the next everything's really bad" phase.  It kinda showed in my actions a few times. Especially one time. but let's not go into that.  Lets just say....between now and set free... i've been mad at a lotta people. and i dont really know why.... ok well i sorta know why.

Sunday was another bad day. I dont really wanna go into details why, but yeah it was. Especially vesper.  And it sucks cuz i now many people felt that way too. it was obvious. Najee, sean, luigi, i dunno who else but yeah... us....

So this morning, i did this thing. well, one discipleship lesson i had with beej, he showed me that to keep his focus, Jesus woke up really early one morning to pray. So yeah, this morning i woke up at 7 so i could pray.  I started at like 7:15 and ended at 8:15. yeah,  1 hour. longest prayer i ever did. hahahaha! Basically i prayed about the stuff that was been bothering me and for other people. i alternated prayer requests with P&W songs or christian music that way i wouldnt get tired of praying. Im gonna be focusing on God more this week and see how it goes.

There was this one song i listened to called consequences. it's by Relient K. i really like that song. It goes like this...just read the lyrics :)]

"I So Hate Consequences"

And I’m good, good, good to go
I got to get away
Get away from all of my mistakes

So here I sit looking at the traffic lights
The red extinguishes the hope that the green ignites
I want to run away I want to ditch my life
Cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don’t want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end

And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Consequences
Oh God, don’t make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don’t want to deal with that

It just now hit me this is more than just a set back
And when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn’t get that
And every trace of momentum is gone
And this isn’t turning out the way I want

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don’t want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end

And I spent all last night
Tearing down
Every stoplight
And stop sign in this town
Now I think there might
Be no way to stop me now
I'll get away despite
The fact I’m so weighed down

All of my escapes have been exhausted
I thought I had a way but then I lost it
And my resistance was once much stronger
And I know I can't go on like this much longer

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you

And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
Now I don't wanna deal with that




And yeah... God's always willing to take you back when you stop running from Him. =) Im gonna be trying hard this week to keep my focus on Him and not fall back to where i was for the past few days. I'd be great if you guys would pray for me. I'm praying for all of you too. Every prayer request i've heard, im praying for it. :)

Hope everyone is sorta doing better too.