These past days i've been going online a lot. Mostly i've been looking for people to chat with on ym, but guess what? There's no one on?!?!?! nooooooooooo! The Tans went to Taiwan, Missions team went to nymc... others just went out of town. :(
And now school is gonna start soon, and everyone will be online at the usual time :)) 7:30-9ish. Guess i'll chat with them then :))
Oh boy.. school... here we go again....
Hmmmmm. I don't know what to say about it really. The days building up to christmas were awesome. Had like best month of the year. Christmas itself was fun too, but it really passed so fast.
Next year is gonna be interesting. probably gonna get really stressed out with all the missions team work and stuff i have to do. probably gonna get </3 again at camp or a bit after it. Crap, that's gonna suck. Probably gonna... keep doing what i gotta do. "even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through.." - Move along by AAR
I really wanted to go to this nymc thing (tomorrow?) Bummer. darn complications. why?!?!
i guess i'm just feeling the "low" after the whole christmas "high". The high wore off really fast huh? You know, if i could have the rapture happen when i wanted, i would say now would be ok. why? i dunno. cuz things are looking down hill.... oh man. i'm raining on everyone's parade aren't i? Shucks. Ok i'll stop
Happy thoughts....come on! ummmm, i won this thing yesterday at our christmas party. It was like "whoever can text this number first with your full name wins" I wasn't even really trying, but i won it :). I'm going out of town some time this week too. be back on like jan 1.
THen mark will be coming back on jan 1. that's gonna be fun but different. We're all gonna have to get used to him living here again and he's gonna have to get used to how things work here. I guess living 5 years in NYC does stuff to you. Like he totally doesn't find asian girls pretty anymore and stuff. wierd huh? hahahaha. we're also gonna be REALLY FREAKING crammed in our car now. Or some of us might have to commute to places. Adjustments again... here we go.
sooooooooo yeah. that's all for now. Thanks to everyone who helped make my christmas great. :) Jan 6 ok? see you all and keep on TCing! \m/
----------------------> Matt
IT was so hard and so stressful but all worth it. The booth had me stressed out a lot cuz i could see all the other minisrty's coming together. But it all turned out fine. I really gave my team a lot less credit then they deserve. Minneli, Ams, Angel, great job! YOu didn't let me down. :)
It was really great to see that all of us working on this were so devoted. None of us were messing around or playing cuz we knew how important this was. We were all doing it for God too. That made a big difference.
I really wanted to give my best performnce, even if my part was like the littlest of all the little. :)) I let miko cut up my shirt and stuff before i went on stage. I seriously looked messed up! wiiiiiii! Soooo cool!
Of course, if everything went perfectly, we wouldn't have depended on God as much as we did. So He decided to shake things up a bit. He made Sarah (is her name spelled with an "H") late. Worse then that, the phone of the person we were contacting with her died. So we were in the dark. We prayed a lot and really just gave the situation to HIM. Then me and angel went out to join the praise and worship. After the second song, p ro comes running throught and i hear him say "she's here!"
Inside out is really something i am working on. i want to be serious about it, because inside out is the way God wants us to live. The way God wants ME to live. Not just doing ministry cuz i know it's right, but doing it cuz i love Him and want to give my life Him. Living inside out means that if there is nothing else in the world, we will still be living for God, because it's not the circumstances that make us do it, but because we are just so thankful for God. Because He is who He is. Because He is perfect. Because He loves us. Because He died for us. Because He forgave us.
Before we shout Him out, we have to let Him in. Into our lives.
"My heart and my soul, i give You control. Consume me from the inside out..."
It's hard to focus on God sometimes when there are so many problems blasting you in the face. Some things that even shouldn't be bothering you at the moment just come up and do. Why? Cuz the devil wants us to screw up tomorrow. But we wont!
I lotta stuff was bothering me tonight. Being just an extra in one scene of the skit, i wondered if my part even matters. The truth is, it doesn't. I can be there or not and people will still get the same effect. BUT, God gave that little oh so little part, and i'm gonna give him my best with it. I'm really learning to do things for God, and not just cuz i know they are the right thing to do.
I also slightly felt again like the one man missions team. Cuz i seemed to be doing everything and the others didn't seem to care that much about our booth. I still feel that some people are neglecting our team, but i'm probably wrong.
Another thing that was really getting to me was the fact that i'm not part of the choir. I've always wanted to be. Ever since i was 13 pa! But, God didn't bless me with the talent of singing, so i'm not there... But watching them tonight just made me remember that.
The last thing that was bothering me was that i was spending too much time focusing one some people rather than God.
My QT tonight was about not grumbling like the israelites did. I grumbled a lot tonight cuz my part in this seems so small. I know it was wrong, and GOd left us examples in the Bible to teach us what we should not do. I'm not gonna repeat that tomorrow. Tomorrow is not a time to doubt, or grumble, or give up, or get pissed off.
An old quote i heard from a friend ( and i believe it is true) says: "Not everything that happens is a consequence of sin, but God's will. And God's will is the best"
I know now that i have to start serviing God again... from the inside out.
A lotta people use blogs for sharing stories. others share ideas. others just complain about stuff. And what is my blog? Well, i guess it just falls under the "sharing" section.
I was reading a friend's blog today (you prolly know who you are ;) ;)) and it kinda made me think. this is how this person thinks. In his/her mind, these are the things she thinks about. This is what's important to this person, and these are the things that are not. Sometimes, i wish i could blog like that. Like just put down what's on my mind. But i can't. I'd probably hurt a lotta people and my friendships.
My blogs would be full of: I saw her today, and i hate her now. i hate him too. I wish i was him, but then i'd kill myself cuz i'd hate myself. And stuff like: God, you made a great day! Everything went right today. Even if i didn't get to go out and do blah blah blah... it was great. :D
But that's the thing about me. i thik these things in my mind and then they go away. i don't need to write em anymore. I guess it's kinda a good thing that i can deal with my problems without having to tell the whole world about it.
Inside out is on sat! soooooooooooooo nervous. I hope all our booths come together ok. I'm really nervous that someone will slack off and forget to do their job. But no! I shouldn't think that way. Ams, Minneli, Angel, I trust you guys! Been praying for inside out every night this week too. During my family prayers pa! hahaha. It's really important to me.
I also have a really good feeling abou the missions team this year. We just need committed members and it'll be great :D I know i'm so off topic already, but i don't care. I'm not an OC person. I like to doodle in my notes :))
It seems adults hate my hair. All the people here at the messiah office hate my hair. I think my mom hates my hair. i think najee's mom hates my hair too! hahaha. But it's mine. :D Jasper likes it. Angel likes it. i like it. maow likes it (he says it's not big enough). But i'll see what i'll do with it. might cut it in jan... might keep it still if it looks ok. it's my hair and i'll do what i want with it and no one can stop me! (rebellious hahaha.)
So to end on a good note.... i have no load in my phone. why is that good? i have no idea......... wierd matt!
i wanna go home soon cuz i can't seem to get my work done here at the messiah office. I can't live seeing a computer online and no one using it! i still need to write all the info for the info booth at open house. i need to burn a cd for the worship team for inside out too. wahhhhhh.
Hey saki, thatnks for the generic text. angel and i busted you! hahaha. :)>- i know you still meant it. He did, right angel?
i'm trying to think of some kinda tagline or quote to end this blog. so that it's parang astig. hmmmmm. ok, i got one. it's actually lyrics to a song:
I'm not sure of
Anyone, Anyone
But I've got plans
I'm not asking
For everything
But sure I could
Use a hand
Get a little anxious
Sometimes you'll be gone
And I'll be left behind
Get a little nervous
Sometimes it'll be my turn
And I'll forget my lines
Get a little lossler
And some staring from
The corner of my eye
Never really mastered
The cintris
I can't see how
The way you leave me alone
Makes us close
I must be out of touch
I won't ask you
To give up on the things
That seem to keep you gone
But I can be gone too
Feel a little sorry
Sometimes you're not here
When I am writing
Feels a little awkward
Sometimes you won't talk
But we're not fighting
You hold onto your secrets
And I'm not privy
To what is on your mind
I can't help but feel tired
So tired
So tired
Anyone Anyone - by Dashboard Confessional
I would realy like to post about the whole weekend, but i don't think i have enough energy to type that out. All i can say was it was both good and bad, but it was fun. And I know God is pleased with how hard we are working for him.
Anyway, People have been talking about my hair all weekend. People at church, at Messiah, at GCF East, etc. Some people like it, other dont (though they don't say it to me but i can tell). If i could do my hair any way i wanted (hair including facial hair) this is what i wanna look like:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v217/baby_webhead/04021X.jpg[/IMG]
CARLITO!!!!!
Maybe not forever (no, really not forever) just for a while =D
