It's hard to be looked up to when your life really isn't that great. Like i know that there are some people who look up to me in some ways. maybe it's because i'm realy involved in `the ministry or because i'm just older than them. But it's hard to hear people tell me that i am a great guy because i dont think i am. I know everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect, but i still see all my flaws all the time. And i kick myself for making mistakes that shouldn't be made. Like forgetting to write something for the missions team. Or rushing to prepare for a meeting. Or even screwing up the chords during praise and worship. Or maybe it's the fact that i can't sing but i'm still leading praise and worship at our meetings. I'm probably distracting everyone. That's why i've been standing in the back a lot lately during services. Even if i'm not ushering. it's because i know i sing loud and i dont wanna mess up anyone that hears me.
But anyway, God' been telling me that it's ok that i mess up. It's ok that i feel down sometimes. But He is always there to pick me up. And it is not me who does these things in the ministry, it is Him. It is through Him that i do these. Because i am nothing, i am a nothing that God was gracious enough to use for His work. It's ok to feel like you can't do anything on your own, because you CAN"T. I cant either. But through God we have the power to do what is right. He is alwyas here with us.
Yes, i am imperfect. Yes, I screw up a lot, and i may be too shy to step up sometimes], but God wants to use me. And I'm giving Him my best.
So don't look up to me. I'm nothing. It's all God.
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