My life as of now

I signed it. For those of you who know what it means, i signed the covenant thingy. I hope i can keep my promise to God stop hating these guys already.  I still feel a bit wierd when i see them, but i'm going to try to work on it.  I guess the reason this is so hard is because deep down i want to hate them. It feels good to hate those who make your life difficult. But it's not right.  In my QT (also the devos i used for missions team) it said something like forgive others because God forgave us through Christ.  And i know that what i've done is much worse then what.... this guy has done to me.  This guy doesn't even know he did it to me. 

I guess it's also cuz we never started out on the right foot. It always felt like a competition for our common friend back in millenium. And then... that something something happened right angel ;) So i think he didn't like me either.  But i guess he's an ok guy afterall.  I just hope i can focus on God more then my problems with him right now. No. I will. I will focus on God.

I was gonna tell angel a bunch of stuff but i felt bad that i was just another guy using her to dump out all his problems on. I know it affects her too after a while.  So i gave her the lighter version.  Just so that i wouldn't have to burden her too much.

Dang. i wish i didn't have to be stupid with that thing anymore. stuuuupid! *slams face on keyboard* No good can come of this. God, help me to work this out. You are already helping me witht he other things.  I don't wanna lose what i have over something stupid. Maybe it's not stupid, and that makes it kinda worse...... bummer. I need stop trying to be someone and just be who God wants me to be... Focus on Him Matt. I know you can. i know you want to. hehe.

Missions Team is getting really hard for me to handle. I've been doing non-stop ministry now for about 3 years now. I was really feeling burned out already but then i got put in charge of the missions team.  But as hard as it is, i'm not leaving them.  I don't wanna.  I know how much the team hurts from losing a leader.  I'm in this for the long run.  It kinda makes me nervous and overwhelmed just saying this, but i'm probably not taking a break for the next year or 2. I'm not even talking about leaving here. I'm talking about a break!  But at the same time, my life feels meaningless and empty if I'm not serving Him. LEt's Go Missions Team!

*breathes out deeply* I need to keep my focus on God here. Not problems or people.  Church this weekend is helping me a lot.  I really need to be surrounded by people who love Him right now.

Guyz, even with unlimitxt out for now, it's try to keep in touch this week. Ima gonna be texting you cuz i dont wanna feel alone. I know you're all there for me, but i dont wanna FEEL alone. Tnx for being patient with me through all my struggles lately.

I want to feel like myself again, and i just need to know that i matter to some people out there in this huge world.  There i go again, focusing on myself! Forget i said that.

See all you guys tomorrow. Let's worship God together. =D Hope to talk to some of you. (talk as in talk and not just make kwento)