YM with Migs Sept 11,2009

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BUZZ!!!
miguel orleans: Hi Matt, so sorry for the delays
baby_webhead: its ok
baby_webhead: ummm...you're probably wondering what this is all about huh
baby_webhead: basically, im having an issue....and i think you can help me
miguel orleans: Honestly, yes. Hehe. But not coz I don't want to help coz I do. Hit me
baby_webhead: cuz i know you're mature enough to know what to do
baby_webhead: i need to tell you a story
baby_webhead: its a bit long tho
baby_webhead: and just so you know
baby_webhead: and this will sound super immature...its a love issue
baby_webhead: but its super affecting me
baby_webhead: and i want to ask what you think i should do
miguel orleans: No problem. We all have our weaknesses
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: so its like this
baby_webhead: whenever i walk to school, i pray to God about everything
baby_webhead: everyday
baby_webhead: and for a long time now ive been praying for who the girl for me is
baby_webhead: more specifically, ive prayed for this one girl at school, najee, and nix
baby_webhead: nix because she's my best friend
baby_webhead: and we're super close
baby_webhead: but anyway i felt like after months of praying God kinda hinted an answer to me
baby_webhead: cuz i had a date with najee on friday
baby_webhead: and she mentioned pa about how she wants to study in europe and stuff
baby_webhead: then on sunday i met nix
baby_webhead: and she told me that the guy she likes, who also likes her, was crying on the phone the day before
baby_webhead: cuz his family is moving to canada
baby_webhead: so i thought...najee MIGHT move away...nix's boy will move away
baby_webhead: so...ummm you see the "sign" i thought i was seeing?
baby_webhead: just making sure you get the first part of the story
miguel orleans: Yup. I do.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: so then i prayed for her more
baby_webhead: then on monday it was a holiday
baby_webhead: and she told me she was going to podium with her cousin
baby_webhead: so i said id meet her there
baby_webhead: to hang out
baby_webhead: cuz i rarely see her na
baby_webhead: then when i saaw her...ummm...wow
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: i got that feeling
baby_webhead: but yeah
baby_webhead: anyway
baby_webhead: moving on
baby_webhead: this is a secret k?
miguel orleans: Of course, you may band 1 brotha
miguel orleans: *my
baby_webhead: she told me that the boy...kissed her at their latest party
baby_webhead: and she was super scared to tell me
baby_webhead: but she did cuz im her best friend
baby_webhead: and honeslty i didnt feel anything at first
baby_webhead: so i told her its not ok, but whats done is done
baby_webhead: and then her cousin left us na
baby_webhead: and we went to national
baby_webhead: just the two of us
baby_webhead: and we sat in one of the book isles
baby_webhead: and i could tell that she felt really guilty about it
baby_webhead: and basically, we got kinda close
baby_webhead: and when she was leaning her head on my arm
baby_webhead: i kind held her hand
baby_webhead: and she didnt pull away naman
baby_webhead: in fact, after we shifted possitions and let go, she got my hand back
baby_webhead: and i know this isnt nothing to her cuz she made a big deal when that guy held her hand before
baby_webhead: anyway...i dunno if you know me...but im super sheltered talaga
baby_webhead: and i dont know if this is really not a big deal but it felt like one to me
baby_webhead: you still following?
miguel orleans: Yup. Thanx for checking
baby_webhead: so then...like my heart was all fast and stuff
baby_webhead: and then when she went home we texted each other that we miss each other more after hanging out
baby_webhead: and that we love each other
baby_webhead: cuz we do that na talaga
baby_webhead: but then it hit me that the guy kissed her na
baby_webhead: and he's making serious ligaw
baby_webhead: as in he visits her twice a week
baby_webhead: and calls everyday
baby_webhead: and her parents are fine with it
baby_webhead: and she likes him back
baby_webhead: SO NOW
baby_webhead: since she's my best friend, she tells me this stuff
baby_webhead: and it hurts super
baby_webhead: as in....its our midterm week and i barely studied cuz i couldnt focus
baby_webhead: i sleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her
baby_webhead: and since monday till now....it hurts super
baby_webhead: to think of her
baby_webhead: but when i talk to her, everything feels better
baby_webhead: my story is almost done
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: so ive been praying about it super
baby_webhead: and in my devos i was reading james
baby_webhead: God told me to tame my tongue, not be bitter or envious, and that i dont have because i dont ask with pure motives
baby_webhead: so ive been trying to not be bitter toward the guy
baby_webhead: which is hard
baby_webhead: and ive been asking God without selfish motives
baby_webhead: but i dont know what to do
baby_webhead: cuz im seeing her on sat
baby_webhead: and we're hanging out after the outreach
baby_webhead: and part of me wants to tell her so badly
baby_webhead: that that time holding hands with her wasnt just nothing
baby_webhead: i dunno
baby_webhead: migsssssss....what should i do????????
baby_webhead: it hurts so much lang
miguel orleans: Hmmm. Before anything else, I'm sorry the situation is hurtful for you. It's never easy to pray for someone, especially in the context of a lovelife. Lalo na if things aren't going your way, even if everything feels right.
miguel orleans: I have a question. It seems weird to ask, but I know that it matters. Diba she and the guy kissed? Sa lips ba yun? Did she kiss him back? Bakit siya guilty about that?
baby_webhead: lips
miguel orleans: I'm trying to understand also where she's coming from kasi.
baby_webhead: guilty cuz when she told me they held hands, i told her to be careful cuz their not even BF/GF yet and i know if they do become...things will go ....more than that
baby_webhead: then yeah
baby_webhead: they kissed na
baby_webhead: and keep in mind that they are freakin 15 years old
baby_webhead: is it immature of me to feel this way?
baby_webhead: if you're wondering why this is on ym, its cuz i need to know what to do na...i cant wait to talk to you face to face
miguel orleans: Honestly, it really depends on how you look at it. As someone who genuinely cares about his girl best friend (whether there are feelings for her or not), it's normal to feel sad, hurt, and even bitter. Coz let's face it, we're not perfect.
miguel orleans: I understand, bro. No worries. Anyway,
miguel orleans: whether its normal for you to hold hands or not (coz your best friends naman, normal ba yun para sa inyo?),
baby_webhead: its not normal for us....and it was not just friends holding hands
baby_webhead: for me
baby_webhead: migs?
miguel orleans: Sorry, I was thinking about how I'm gonna explain. Hehe. Don't worry bro, I won't leave you hanging. Anyway,
miguel orleans: whether normal or not, it's a very unsafe gesture (lalo na for close friends na boy and girl), coz our feelings can get the best of us. Believe me, I've had my share of letting feelings get in the way and knowing that physical touch (will always feel good), we should really be careful.
baby_webhead: i know
miguel orleans: Syempre pag hug at beso, normal naman talaga yun for good friends. But like you said, diba, yung her and the guy kissing. Kissing may be steps ahead of holding hands, but it's pretty much along the same path.
miguel orleans: Does the girl know you like her? Or she's clueless?
baby_webhead: she doesnt know
baby_webhead: but ive been dropping so many clues na
baby_webhead: and i dont think she's blind naman
baby_webhead: its just
baby_webhead: the age old question comes up
baby_webhead: to risk the friendship or not
baby_webhead: and if i do risk, can i beat this guy?
baby_webhead: cu if im gonna tell her, im doing it this saturday
miguel orleans: That's true. Love is definitely a risk, which is why my advice is not to tell her. I'll explain it in two ways ah: praying for her (which is the long term one) and your situation with her right now (the short term one).
miguel orleans: By saying that's true, I mean the age old question ah.
baby_webhead: pls explain
baby_webhead: i need to know why
baby_webhead: dont leave me hanging...
miguel orleans: The way I see it is whether she just likes the guy or she just likes you or both (regardless kung sino ang lamang), she is, at the moment, confused. Or torn. Coz one day, she kisses the guy back. Another day, she holds your hand.
baby_webhead: then?
miguel orleans: I'm not so particular with the difference in gesture, but kissing is definitely more than holding hands, which is an indication that she most likely likes him more. Kaya hurtful ang situation for you
baby_webhead: i know i know
baby_webhead: i need to know what to do lang
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: I understand, bro. Forgive me for having to build it up first
miguel orleans: I promise you, the pain will be easier to bear if you are able to see everything laid out. Coz as guys, we are not into details eh. We don't naturally have an eye for that, unlike girls
baby_webhead: sige sige
baby_webhead: go for it
baby_webhead: just type
baby_webhead: my family will pray first
baby_webhead: but tyoe lang
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Ok
baby_webhead: im back na
baby_webhead: go on
miguel orleans: One of the things I've learned is to also know whether the girl you like is ready to be in a relationship or not. In general lang yun ah. Syempre, only you know the answer to that question coz best friend mo siya.
baby_webhead: the thing is
miguel orleans: No offense to your best friend ah. But a guy who suddenly kisses her outside a romantic relationship has much to learn about love, and it also says a lot about a girl who would go for someone like that. I'm not judging her character ah, I'm just trying to analyze and evaluate the lovelife part of her.
baby_webhead: yes i know
baby_webhead: its just ive stood back and watched this happen so many times...angel and luigi, jasper and didi
baby_webhead: and i just think that maybe if i do something....maybe she'd take me as a better option over him
baby_webhead: i dunno
baby_webhead: im not thinking straight na siguro
miguel orleans: Do you feel that you're running out of time coz she might end up with the guy?
baby_webhead: YES
baby_webhead: and it sucks
baby_webhead: but at the same time, if i tell her and she still ends up with the guy, then i lost the friendship as well
miguel orleans: My point exactly, bro
baby_webhead: its just...i dont know how to deal with the hurt if i dont do anything about it
miguel orleans: Do you think and feel that God is telling you to confess your feelings to her already?
baby_webhead: i feel like God is playing with me
baby_webhead: like he set this up just so that  id go back to him
baby_webhead: and i did
baby_webhead: but now i dont know
baby_webhead: ...
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: honeslty
baby_webhead: i think God doesnt want me to
baby_webhead: but everything in me wants to
baby_webhead: so freakin badly
baby_webhead: and i dont know how to deal with it anymore
baby_webhead: its been on my mind 24\7 since monday
baby_webhead: and i feel like im falling apart na
baby_webhead: im so sorry if im keeping you up late
miguel orleans: It's ok bro, don't worry about it. By the way, I told Naj she doesn't have to wait for you na. I know that we're gonna have a long conversation, and she needs to sleep already since she has to go to work early tomorrow. So yun, nagpasabi na lang siya sa akin
baby_webhead: hahaha
baby_webhead: ok ok
miguel orleans: This is exactly where I'm coming from, bro. When everything is actually in God's perfect timing, there are no rushes, no hesitations, no negative feelings, no conflicting sentiments within.
miguel orleans: Do you believe in the statement "Kung para sayo, para sayo..."
baby_webhead: i guess so
miguel orleans: Kung kayo din naman ang para sa isa't-isa, magkakatuluyan din kayo sa huli (whether other girlfriends or boyfriends come to your or her life).
miguel orleans: People usually say these things to simply comfort a person, but I believe it's Biblical, if God is in the picture.
baby_webhead: i think ive been obeying my parents so long and doing the "mature and right thing" since i was 15....and now im so sick and tired of feeling like im being stepped on just because im the only one doing whats right...and yeah i know God's best and God's will and all...but i feel if i dont ever make my moves, it wont happen also
miguel orleans: His will will always happen in the end, it's actually our wrong choices that cause us to sway from it, whether we make it on the basis of emotions, wants, or desires.
miguel orleans: I understand what you mean, bro. Coz as guys we are the initiators. We are the ones who pursue.
miguel orleans: It is never easy to do the right thing, especially when you're the only one doing it.
miguel orleans: We also have to consider the situation: she's only 15.
miguel orleans: I think that maturity has a lot to do with it as well. I'm not saying that both of you are immature ah.
miguel orleans: When you pray for her, what do you tell and ask God for?
baby_webhead: i ask God that if it's His will...it can be the two of us...and that He'd make it clear to me if im wrong. I ask that His will be done, but i let Him know that if no harm could come frm it being me and nix, that He'd let it happen
baby_webhead: and i pray He'd protect her also
baby_webhead: and ive been praying for this since classes started
baby_webhead: and i just thought God finally sent me a sign
baby_webhead: that that was it
baby_webhead: that it was her na
baby_webhead: but then i dont know what happend
baby_webhead: we held hands na and stuff
baby_webhead: but then its like it cant work pa
baby_webhead: parang...if i tell her i will still lose
baby_webhead: but if i dont tell her naman
baby_webhead: i have to pretend to be her best friend who doesnt like her
baby_webhead: and ill just get hurt nalang again and again
baby_webhead: like what  i did with Didi and Jasper
baby_webhead: and then up till now its them pa
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: thats what im thinking
baby_webhead: its a lose lose situation
baby_webhead: if i tell her, at least it will hurt less, but i might lose the friendship
baby_webhead: if i dont tell, i keep the friendship but i get hurt a lot
baby_webhead: as in a lot
miguel orleans: Given what we've been talking about so far, which do you think will please God more? Being just friends with her, or being more than friends?
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: you're right
baby_webhead: i shouldnt tell her
baby_webhead: but how do i deal with that?
baby_webhead: how do i pretend to not get hurt when she tells me about him?
miguel orleans: Matt, I hope I'm not sounding like I'm proving you wrong or anything like that. I apologize if that's what I'm making you feel, coz of how formal I am with my questions
miguel orleans: Do you believe that God will honor your decision (coz not telling her will please Him more), and trust that He will be your ultimate source of peace and comfort, even if right now we don't see it yet? Coz we just have faith to cling on to?
baby_webhead: i know you're right
baby_webhead: its just so hard to DO that
miguel orleans: I know. It always is. Super hard talaga yan.
baby_webhead: the thing is ...i dunno if i should try to stop the feeling
baby_webhead: or should i learn to live with it so i can wait for her
miguel orleans: Hmmm. Ok, the question is, how are you going to deal with the situation that she picks him even if you like her so best friend ka na lang (whether permanent or not), how will your relationship with her be, or actually continue? Tingin ko it can only have two results:
miguel orleans: either there is distance so you can move on, or ignore the feelings to still maintain the normal friendship with her.
miguel orleans: I, of course, prefer the latter, coz I never want a friendship to be cut coz of a more than friends realization. At the same time, we can't be mediocre and pretend diba.
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: this sucks so much
miguel orleans: This might answer you concern regarding the feelings. What do you think God is telling you? Entertain the feelings (even if we already know you shouldn't tell her), kill the feelings, or just let it stay there till it naturally withers?
miguel orleans: *your
baby_webhead: im just so confused why God would lead me to this
baby_webhead: cuz i was perfectly fine being her friend
baby_webhead: till i got that "sign"
baby_webhead: or what i thought as a sign
baby_webhead: cuz it was so perfect....in the matter of 2 days
baby_webhead: got put on over the other
miguel orleans: Coz He loves us, and He wants to build our character to be better and stronger Christians
baby_webhead: right
baby_webhead: oh man
miguel orleans: Is it really a sign from God that He wants you to be more than friends with her? Or maybe just a process of elimination that doesn't even contribute to a lovelife?
baby_webhead: i dont know!
baby_webhead: i feel like im gonna explode na from keeping this in
miguel orleans: Is pursuing her a unity of the mind and of the heart? That there's a balance between being objective and being emotional?
baby_webhead: cuz you're the first person im telling as in no one knows this pa
miguel orleans: Ah.
baby_webhead: sige...i guess ill try to suck it up for another week and see what happens
baby_webhead: but i dont know what to do lang when she asks me whats wrong
baby_webhead: cuz she can tell
baby_webhead: thats why she's my best friend
baby_webhead: i cant lie naman
miguel orleans: Ah talaga. Matt, I'll try my best to help you out even in that area.
baby_webhead: what can i do there?
baby_webhead: (sorry, we're almost done na  )
miguel orleans: It's really ok
miguel orleans: Hmmm. You need to have an outlet.
miguel orleans: The best outlet is an honest, sincere, and truthful conversation with God.
miguel orleans: Tell Him everything. As in everything. Like how you've been so transparent and open to me.
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: can i update you with this situation
miguel orleans: Of course, bro
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: And always keep in mind that when you're with her, you are her best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. That makes God very happy.
baby_webhead: i just have one more question
baby_webhead: cuz people always say that when God's best comes, it will be so clear and God will makeit all work out easily
baby_webhead: what if God wants us to fight for her talaga
baby_webhead: whatif tahts how he wants it to happen?
miguel orleans: The thing with us guys is we're very objective and logical. That's why when something subjective happens, we get all emotional. We lose control.
miguel orleans: Hmmm. This is the way I see it:
miguel orleans: fighting should and must happen only when we are very sure of the girl we are fighting for. Spiritual maturity is the most important factor, because her character ought to stem from that (her emotional, mental, and even psychological aspects combined).
miguel orleans: Also, "work out easily" means being sensitive to God's provision, meaning, opportunities to pursue and even fight for the girl if needed.
baby_webhead: ok
miguel orleans: That's why bending our will towards His is very important to recognize in prayer, coz if we don't do this, we will simply manipulate the situations we have with the girl.
miguel orleans: At the same time, we also have to strike a balance between that and fighting, should the situation call for it. Coz some guys don't even have competition.
miguel orleans: Lovelives, like lives in general, are always unique. That's why maturity is essential, which also comes with age.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: i understand now
baby_webhead: that since she's not ready, i cant even consider going for it cuz it wont work
baby_webhead: and if i wait God will honor it and make it work out at the right time
baby_webhead: right?
miguel orleans: From what I see, yes. I don't think she's ready. She's just being emotional (kissing and holding hands with two different guys). Honestly, bro, I think you're being emotional as well, and I say that with love, from one imperfect Christian to another.
miguel orleans: Yes, you can never go wrong with waiting on God.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: thanks
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Sometimes, even when things fall into place, God's sense of humor can suddenly turn things around.
baby_webhead: right
miguel orleans: Or when it seems like everything is actually provided by Him, bigla niyang lalagyan ng twist.
miguel orleans: He's a very fun God
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: *Niyang
baby_webhead: oki....pray for me nalang also....cuz i have to try to not let this affect my studies and ministries anymore
miguel orleans: From this situation, I can sense that you handled the situation in a more mature way than your best friend
miguel orleans: Definitely, bro. That is also another factor. God's best shouldn't take you away from your other responsibilities that are more important: studies, ministry, family.
miguel orleans: If she's meant for you, God will prepare and touch her heart for such a time.
miguel orleans: That applies to us guys, too
baby_webhead: right
miguel orleans: That's the beauty of it, coz He's in control. No amount of competition will get in the way
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: thanks so much for listening to this stupid story
miguel orleans: It's not stupid, believe me
miguel orleans: I prefer to call it matters of the heart. In your case, MATTers of the heart
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: wala na
baby_webhead: its corny na
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Hahaha  True
baby_webhead: sige
baby_webhead: thanks again
baby_webhead: ill keep on working on it
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Kaya mo yan bro. When you trust in Him, He will bless and honor you more. Even if sometimes, we don't see it happening
miguel orleans: Since love is about taking risks and diving in, it can also mean taking risks and diving out
miguel orleans: Or jumping out, rather
baby_webhead: but at the right time only
baby_webhead: hehe
baby_webhead: blessed singleness nalang!
baby_webhead: jk
miguel orleans: Yup. Hehe. Naku. Gusto ko magkapamilya eh
baby_webhead: me too
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: haaaaaaaaaaay
miguel orleans: Bata pa tayo, darating din yan
baby_webhead: right
baby_webhead: anyway yeah...i think we should sleep na
baby_webhead: well...at least i should
baby_webhead: cuz i easily get my sleeping sched messed up
miguel orleans: Haha. No problem. Ako din, actually.
miguel orleans:
baby_webhead: thanks talaga
miguel orleans: Anytime, bro.
baby_webhead: gnyt!