Phoebe Avatar

By special request. :)) first of all i just need to say this one frustrated me. I had a hard time making it look like phoebe and a Na'vi at the same time. if i went too alien, it didn't look like her; if i went too phoebe it, didn't look alien. so this is the best balance i could pull off. no hair braid tho :P Anyway, i think it turned out alright. :)

AVATAR MATT!! :))

ok so after i watched avatar i was kind curious if i could make myself as on of the Na'vi aliens. haha. i think its pretty good :D

I know i did a pretty rough job on the hair but im not willing to put that much effort into making it perfect :P :))

Plans for Dash

for those of you who are wondering, Dash is my guitar. I want him to one day look like this:

need to save up for that pickgaurd. His screws are gold na tho so at least that's cool :D

what i did when i wrote my psych paper last night

There's some background story to this post. First, i have to start by mentioning my lit class. I think its amazing. We're studying poems and the use of words in them. Rhyme and rhythm, allusions, metaphors, and word choice all play an important part. Another thing about poetry is that it should be able to stand on its own. Meaning that you don't have to know the author to understand the poem. Finally, you shouldn't accuse the author of being the character in the poem. Sometimes it is just a poem. It is just a story. It is not about the author.

While was writing my Psych paper, i decided to try to write a bit. it was past 3am so please excuse me if some parts sound weird or are just corny :P These poems were based on feelings or situations i can relate to but they are exaggerated to make a good poem. i like the first poem better out of the two. I wanted the second didn't turn out the way i wanted it to. Both poems are currently title-less.

Final Note: The first poem has Psychology references because thats what was on my brain at the time.

Poem1
Ambivalent,
Conflicted, confused.
Just a reaction to physiological responses?
Or much more?  

Logic tries to explain it,
As James Lang and Cannon-Bard may.
But by logic It should be happening.  

O, what to do with this ambivalence?
The answer is already known.
But if that truth is so,
Why then do we still choose to be ambivalent?    

Poem2
Stillness.
Coldness.         
Silence.
Darkness.  

Flashes of vibrant pink and blue,
A blooming flower in midair.
The airy cloud was filtered through,
Holding it up for all to stare.  

Like a welcome December wind
A sweet rhythm began to rise.
Growing steadily and gently
Into a chorus of grand size  

Pitter patter step and step
Children and adults come to run
Simultaneously together
Arms, legs, and bodies move as one.  

I watched this beauty from above
But wished that she were by my side.
She applauded and cheered for more
Him with her along for the ride.

1

BUZZ!!!
baby_webhead: hey
baby_webhead: you ok?
Nicah Santos: yep.
Nicah Santos: Sorry it took my so long.
Nicah Santos: Just finished up a project.
baby_webhead: ok
Nicah Santos: okay.
Nicah Santos: you go first.
baby_webhead: oh maaaan
baby_webhead: i dont know how to start
baby_webhead: hahaha
Nicah Santos: XD take your time.
Nicah Santos: well, not really.
baby_webhead: i think you pretty much understand it tho
baby_webhead: its like...
baby_webhead: but the thing i
baby_webhead: s
baby_webhead: i hate not benig ok with you
baby_webhead: like when i saw you on sunday and then it felt awkward for me, i hated that so much
Nicah Santos: I noticed that you were awkward.
baby_webhead: that i couldnt look you in the eyes
baby_webhead: that sucked
baby_webhead: but
baby_webhead: i hate fighting with you MORE than anything that bothers me
baby_webhead: like even if im jealous of robin or even if i feel like your just using me...its like 10 times worse when im fighting with you
Nicah Santos: we're not fighting, alright?
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: If we were fighting, I wouldn't have even looked at you yesterday.
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: wow thanks
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: ...sarcastic?
baby_webhead: very
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: anyway
baby_webhead: i was gonna say something i cant remember
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: wait
baby_webhead: hmmmm
Nicah Santos: just keep typing.
baby_webhead: im sorry?
baby_webhead: cuz...sometimes i just feel like bringing up issues when i feel hurt
baby_webhead: but sometimes they arent worth briinging up
Nicah Santos: this is worth bringing up.
Nicah Santos: wait.
Nicah Santos: should I go first?
Nicah Santos: i know what to say.
baby_webhead: go
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: thing is...
Nicah Santos: It's REALLY hard for me that you guys dislike each other so much.
Nicah Santos: You dislike him.
Nicah Santos: He really dislikes you.
Nicah Santos: And I'm caught between you two, 'cause I love you both so much.
Nicah Santos: I was really upset Friday night 'cause I realized that some day, I might have to pick between you two.
Nicah Santos: 'cause it seems like things aren't ever gonna be alright if I keep you both in my life.
Nicah Santos: and I CAN'T.
Nicah Santos: I CANNOT choose.
Nicah Santos: If one of you makes me choose, I will not be able to.
Nicah Santos: What then?
baby_webhead: im not gonna ask you to choose
Nicah Santos: I'll just forget you both? that's gonna suck like crazy.
baby_webhead: even if you choose him im still gonna be here for you
baby_webhead: you know that right?
baby_webhead: but that doesnt mean im not gona get hurt
baby_webhead: but i wont just leave you
Nicah Santos: C'mon.
Nicah Santos: That's not gonna happen.
Nicah Santos: I mean.
Nicah Santos: I said it na.
Nicah Santos: I'm not gonna choose.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: its like this
baby_webhead: you know naman i like you
baby_webhead: and i hope you understand what that means from my side
baby_webhead: cuz ive talked to you about didi and najee
baby_webhead: so you know how i am with all this
baby_webhead: but im not gonna do make the moves naman
baby_webhead: espescially not now
baby_webhead: cuz itd be...weord
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: but that doesnt mean im not gonna wait for you
baby_webhead: like if things with you and robin work
baby_webhead: then
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: but if not, ill see where it goes from there
baby_webhead: but theres something i have to tell you tho
Nicah Santos: okay.
baby_webhead: remember when i told you i liked you...i said that if i do anything its just cuz you're my best friend and not cuz i like you
Nicah Santos: right?
baby_webhead: its really hard to do
baby_webhead: cuz its not just 2 feelings i can seperate
baby_webhead: they over lap a lot
baby_webhead: cuz i love you...in 2 ways....but those two ways cant be separated
baby_webhead: does that make sense?
Nicah Santos: It does.
Nicah Santos: I figured.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: But I kinda just gave you the benefit of the doubt and stopped trying to treat you differently.
Nicah Santos: Like I make a conscious effort to shake the thought off.
Nicah Santos: "It's okay to hug him like this 'cause he's my best friend."
Nicah Santos: Stuff like that.
Nicah Santos: Then afterwards, I realize that you're not just my best friend.
Nicah Santos: You're my best friend with really strong emotions who's confused.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: right
baby_webhead: the reason this is hard is cuz
baby_webhead: its not wrong that i like you...and its not wrong that you like him...its just how we handle the situation that makes it right or wrong
Nicah Santos: are we handling it wrong?
Nicah Santos: am I/
Nicah Santos: *?
baby_webhead: we're not
baby_webhead: we're talking about it
Nicah Santos: Okay.
baby_webhead: i think its so awesome that nothing changed between us
baby_webhead: although i wished that they would have
baby_webhead: but then i realized it could have gone so totally wrong
baby_webhead: but it didnt
baby_webhead: cuz you;re awesome like that
Nicah Santos: so are you.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: you know, you don't have to try so hard to set your feelings aside.
Nicah Santos: 'cause I know it hurts you when you do.
baby_webhead: you know, i worry about you all the time
baby_webhead: when we dont text for a day i worry about you
baby_webhead: but at ministry week, i got really distracted with kat
baby_webhead: (i need to be honest here)
baby_webhead: and i stopped thinking about you so much
baby_webhead: and it was nice
Nicah Santos: isn't that a good thing?
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: cuz i didnt worry so much and it didnt hurt every time i knew you were with him
baby_webhead: and then when i got back
baby_webhead: things slowly went back
baby_webhead: but that time you told me "i dont know whats going on with you lately"
baby_webhead: i liked the fact that for once you were the one who needed me more than i needed you
baby_webhead: cuz i really need you...as a best friend
baby_webhead: but yeah
Nicah Santos: you know...
Nicah Santos: if we're thinking realistically.
Nicah Santos: the whole best friend thing's changed.
baby_webhead: like how?
Nicah Santos: 'cause even if you say it's okay to talk about Robin and all that (like best friends are supposed to), I can't. 'cause it hurts you, and I don't wanna be the one to hurt you.
Nicah Santos: there are boundaries that I used to be able to cross before all this, which I can't now.
baby_webhead: im sorry
baby_webhead: you know i try hard too
baby_webhead: like i ask about him even if i dont want to know
baby_webhead: because i want to know whats going on in your life
baby_webhead: i dont want it to be like what happened in the summer
baby_webhead: and then all of a sudden you have a thing with him na pala and i didnt know
Nicah Santos: Right.
Nicah Santos: I was afraid to tell you, and now I am again.
baby_webhead: it hurts when i ask you about it but id rather know than not know
baby_webhead: this sucks so much cuz im supposed to be happy for you that you have someone
Nicah Santos: and i'm supposed to be all, "so, how's it going with ___? " or "hey, you okay? things alright with ___?"
Nicah Santos: BUT I CAAAAN'T.
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: its just that with you its so different
baby_webhead: i mean
baby_webhead: than with other people
baby_webhead: when im with you even if im angry all of a sudden im not angry anymore
baby_webhead: and when you're there its like the other things that are on my mind dont matter as muich
baby_webhead: and its always kinda been that way
baby_webhead: ever since
baby_webhead: just cuz you;'re important to me
baby_webhead: but now its like...whoa.
baby_webhead: im trying to figure out how to deal with it
Nicah Santos: well that's 'cause i'm your best friend, right?
baby_webhead: yeah it is
Nicah Santos: but you're still waiting for something.
baby_webhead: yeah...
baby_webhead: if he wasnt there would there be a chance?
baby_webhead: if there isnt...then i dunno...it wont change how i feel naman
Nicah Santos: Honestly, I don't know.
Nicah Santos: because you're just too much of a brother to me.
Nicah Santos: To the point that when you told me you liked me,
Nicah Santos: I felt like..
Nicah Santos: "EWWW, INCEST."
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: and when you said that we should reconsider each other when we're older,
Nicah Santos: in my head, I was all...
Nicah Santos: "sure, like that's happening.  "
Nicah Santos: 'cause...
Nicah Santos: I just don't see it.
baby_webhead: hey i didnt say that! you did!
Nicah Santos: 'cause you're my KUYA.
baby_webhead: you made the 5 years thing not me
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: i understand
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: WAS NOT ME.
Nicah Santos: YOU PROPOSED IT.
baby_webhead: IT SO WAS!
baby_webhead: why would i propose that????
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: i dunno
Nicah Santos: 'CAUSE YOU'RE CRAZY.
baby_webhead: excuse me???
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: I'm sorry.
Nicah Santos: Can't get something off my chest right now so I don't have to say it ever again to you? XD
baby_webhead: sure
Nicah Santos: I love you Robin. And you gotta know it's big deal, because I'm using the word "love" here.
Nicah Santos: Which trust me, I don't just throw around.
Nicah Santos: *I love Robin
Nicah Santos: FAAAAAIL. XD
baby_webhead: you suck
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I'm sorry.
Nicah Santos: Wait c'mon.
Nicah Santos: so the pain's over with na.
Nicah Santos: can I go on? XD
baby_webhead: yeah
Nicah Santos: It's to the point that I really do see something with him in the future. Like... Long long future.
Nicah Santos: My mom told me that she'll allow me to have a boyfriend when
Nicah Santos: 1. I'm mature enough.
Nicah Santos: and number 2. when she sees that marriage is becoming a big part of my life.
Nicah Santos: like, i'm giving importance to it.
Nicah Santos: and that's why she's allowing me to be his girlfriend next yaer.
Nicah Santos: *year.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: as in like...any time next year?
Nicah Santos: uh.
Nicah Santos: once i'm 16.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: im still gonna wait for you tho...
baby_webhead: ...cuz if God doesnt want me to like you he'll take away what i feel
baby_webhead: but that does suck...but that is awesome for you
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: you don't feel that way.
baby_webhead: if ever i get mad at you/...just try to understand
baby_webhead: that i dont mean it
Nicah Santos: okay.
Nicah Santos: no smiley?
baby_webhead: no smiley
Nicah Santos: oh.
baby_webhead: its ok
baby_webhead: there...smiley na
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: Haaaay.
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: what else do you wanna say?
baby_webhead: i dont know him so i cant understand what you do
baby_webhead: thats all
Nicah Santos: what do you mean "what you do"?
baby_webhead: i dont see the whole situation the way you do
baby_webhead: but hats off to him cuz he got you
Nicah Santos:  Thank you.
Nicah Santos: I know you don't. XD
Nicah Santos: He doesn't either.
Nicah Santos: He doesn't understand why our situation affects me so much.
baby_webhead: wwooooohoooooooooooo
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: ok
Nicah Santos: what woohoo?
baby_webhead: nothing
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: thats me
baby_webhead: something something
baby_webhead: nothing
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: NOT MAKING SENSE BESPREN.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: im trying not to say things that i know i shouldnt say
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:  Hmmkay.
baby_webhead: you know when i wake up to text you at 6 i have nothing else to wake up for except that
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: sorry i just wanted to say that
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I know.
Nicah Santos: You miss me eh.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: you wanna know how my day goes?
baby_webhead: i guess so
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I text you in the morning.
Nicah Santos: I go to school.
Nicah Santos: Get in the car, tired as heck.
Nicah Santos: Then he starts texting me.
Nicah Santos: And then you start texting me.
Nicah Santos: And then I start feeling torn.
Nicah Santos: And then he calls.
Nicah Santos: And I forget all about that.
Nicah Santos: And then I pray before bed.
Nicah Santos: And I realize I haven't talked to you since that afternoon.
Nicah Santos: And then I get guilty.
Nicah Santos: And then I miss you.
Nicah Santos: Then it starts all over again.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: you wanna know how my day goes?
baby_webhead: i wake up at 6 to text you
baby_webhead: half asleep in bed till 7
baby_webhead: then i get up and text you till you go to class
baby_webhead: then i do my devos
baby_webhead: go to school
baby_webhead: then at lunch i look at the clock and wonder what you're doing
baby_webhead: and i wonder if you are too busy to text
baby_webhead: then after school i go home
baby_webhead: and i shake the thought of you and him while i study
baby_webhead: then by 5 i sometimes get the courage to text you for a bit
baby_webhead: then i figure you have better things to do with your time
baby_webhead: then i use the PC
baby_webhead: then sleep
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: well thats life
baby_webhead: you cant make everyone happy
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: But but.
Nicah Santos:  Hay.
Nicah Santos: I don't know.
baby_webhead: you know what the funny thing is?
baby_webhead: you said you;d never choose but you kinda do
baby_webhead: you kinda choose him over me everyday
baby_webhead: and thats the part that i was talking about when i texted you on friday
baby_webhead: thats the thing that hurts me
Nicah Santos: i'm sorry.
Nicah Santos: i try not to.
Nicah Santos: that's why i give my mornings to you.
baby_webhead: ah man
baby_webhead: i feel so torn right now too
baby_webhead: but im just gonna keep doing what im doing cuz we're still great friends and i dont want that to change
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: what are you torn between?
baby_webhead: cuz half of me wants to be like "forget you. im not waking up at 6 to text you anymore"
baby_webhead: but thats just my immature side coming out
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: cuz  you;re still important to me
Nicah Santos: wait.
Nicah Santos: so you don't like that you have my mornings?
baby_webhead: i do
baby_webhead: its just weird that its like you;re on a time share
baby_webhead: mornings is matt and the rest is robin
Nicah Santos: ahh.
Nicah Santos: i have that problem.
baby_webhead: i just wish you were my best friend all day and not just mornings
Nicah Santos: I am.
Nicah Santos: I'm your best friend ALWAYS.
Nicah Santos: But I can't give both of you my full attention.
Nicah Santos: And I can't give you just 50 percent of my attention and him 50 percent of my attention.
Nicah Santos: 'cause you both deserve a lot better than that.
baby_webhead: i know
baby_webhead: i understand
baby_webhead: can i be emo about this? XP
baby_webhead: if you tell me no then ill shake it off
Nicah Santos: ...
Nicah Santos: uhh.
Nicah Santos: i don't know.
Nicah Santos: NO.
Nicah Santos: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE EMO.
Nicah Santos:
baby_webhead: you suck!!!!!!!!!!!!
baby_webhead: sorry i cant obey you
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: YOU WILL.
baby_webhead: im walking in the rain tomorrow!
baby_webhead: and ill get sick!
baby_webhead: cuz of you!
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: jk
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO WALK IN THE RAAAIN.
Nicah Santos: STOP IT.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: *
baby_webhead: ajklsffffffff'eg
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: Grr.
baby_webhead: can i vent it al out right now?
Nicah Santos: I have to go.
baby_webhead: dang
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: ill find someone
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: thanks for telling me everything  
Nicah Santos: You're my best friend.
Nicah Santos: Of course I tell you everything.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos: Well, now I do.
Nicah Santos: I'm sorry, okay?
baby_webhead: no you;re not
baby_webhead: but its ok
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: no you are...
baby_webhead: sorry im bitter pa
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: oki
baby_webhead: ill text you tomorrow
baby_webhead: at 6
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead:
Nicah Santos: I am.
Nicah Santos: ALright.
Nicah Santos: Wait.
Nicah Santos: Would I rather I not show this to Robin?
baby_webhead: you can show him
Nicah Santos: sure?
baby_webhead: yeah...i dont care what you show him
Nicah Santos: alright.
Nicah Santos: I have to go.
Nicah Santos:
Nicah Santos is typing a message.
Nicah Santos: we okay na?
baby_webhead: yeah...WE'RE ok
baby_webhead: 

Open my window, oh oh oh I'm ready to live with this And you walk by my window, oh oh oh You give me something to miss... Jack's Mannequin :)

And you never write me letters And you never sent my sweaters So I could stay warm when I was without you Without you I don't have... A place that's safe from all the monsters That hide in my head and sing me to sleep (sleep) This is the last straw...

Ministry Week 2009

Ministry week in batangas. Nov12-16. Was an amazing experience. Got to do a lot of ministry work; sharing the gospel and encouraging believers. Had so much fun bonding too! Our house was ON the beach!!!!

super short venting session

im tired of getting hurt by you. im tired of not being able to sleep at night cuz im thinking of you. Im tired of him being better than me in your eyes. i dont understand why. i guess its the people closest to us that can hurt us the most. :(

what makes him better than me? what makes you defend hiim so hard? what makes him get more priority over your best friend?

P.S. i hate him a lot tonight...only cuz i cant hate you.

i know ill feel better in the morning. im just letting it out for now.

school time tomorrow!!!! boo!!!

I said, "I've got to be honest, I've been waiting for you all of my life. For so long I thought I was asylum bound, But just seeing you makes me think twice. And being with you here makes me sane. I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side." "You've got wits, You've got looks, You've got passion, But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

sem break good bye

My sembreak goes till tuesday next week, but this is pretty much it for me. let me explain why.

The first week of our 2nd sem in school is ministry week. We do a 4 day outreach. My team is going to Laguna. Anyway, tomorrow my team has all day planning. as in 10-4. so yeah. ummm...im gonna miss Nix's glee competition cuz i wont be here on the 15th :| super bummer talaga cuz i really wanted to watch her :(
but getting back on topic, after 4pm i have band prac in church from 7-10ish. im excited for it naman tho. its just...yes :)) friday night is the same thing. :P

These past few days ive done ultra bumming already. so i guess ive gotten my fair share. Xboxed :P beat Halo ODST with maow, got a higher hi-score in batman, and yeah...photoshopped L4D pics :P I played guitar a lot. practice fo practice. you know how that goes :))

hmmmm...on a more serious note, i was reading someones blog recently. the person mentioned drinking an alcoholic drink. not getting drunk naman. so the thing is i know its not a sin, but its just....touchy. for me. you know what i mean? ive personally promised myself im never gonna drink. ever. its just my conviction. i dunno. i guess to each his own right? as long as it doesnt go against the Bible. It's really something important to me to be able to pass on high standards and convictions to the next generation of Christians after me...i just dont really know how. i want to be a discipler na but God hasnt given me anyone yet.

hmmmm....what else? been worrying myself with things i shouldnt be worrying about. things that i should just let go to God cuz i cant do much about it anyway.  so yeah. i guess ill be fine

my devos is good. :)

havent been out of the house in a while. till tonight. i went to Mark's BS. hahaha. when i looked in the mirror i was like "wow i need to shave na pala" :P hahaha. was like a week na almost since i did. then i realized also i hair was super poofy na :)) as in :P hahaha. the pains of being vain =)) im not THAT vain tho. i just want to look .....not yuck :P hehehe

Last sunday, i watched 500 days of summer. it made me think about a lot of stuff. People are often selfish when it comes to love life. And it is also something that is hard to understand. why do people fall for the people they do? Even when it seems perfect with someone, sometimes they just dont "feel" it. then with other people they do. kinda weird huh? There was also this part where the girl was like **SPOILER** i was reading a book and the guy approached me. what if i decided to see a movie instead? **SPOILER** the point is people meet by "chance" but we know its not chance. God meant for us to meet certain people. God meant for us to fall in love with some, and others not. Like what if that day when i met...someone...i decided to do something else and i didnt meet her. Then what? who would it be now? or what if i skipped one of my former "loves"? what lessons would i have missed out on learning? Love is crazy like that. Super. but it was a really awesome movie :D i enjoyed it a lot! the girl is crazy tho =)) I got super kilig in the begining and in the end :P Heehee :P

OH! AND DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL IS COMING OUT WITH A NEW ALBUM! this month! freaking awesome :D told louise about it and we listened to one of the tracks thats already out. sounds really good :D Dashboard is one of the bands i like because they talk about what im feeling...but they just say it better than me :P

i guess ill end with lyrics from one of their songs. standard lines. louise posted lyrics to it recently and i remembered that its a really good song. haaaaaaaaaaay. :D way to go!

"Which of the bold faced lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy, you really deserve it,
this will be the best for us both in the end.

But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude but it will do.

Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you. I've just been so busy.
We'll catch up soon.
Let's make it a point to.

But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve...
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude, but it will do.

but It will do...
I hope it will do..."

Old pics :P

wala lang. i like looking at the ones jai posted :))

L4D zombies wallpaper

so i super loved the survivors one i made so i made one for the zombies. again, its L4D 1 and 2 so the jockey, spitter, and charger are added :)

tagaytay pics...my fail cam

7 pics lang then memory card error :)) so i used jai and majars cams nalang while we were there :P

after a million years

im writing a blog :)) but you know the feeling that you have so much to write about that you cant write it?

hmmmm

a lot has happend. much drama. much stuff. but yeah. i guess its all good.

The leadership retreat was awesome. bonding bonding and i learned a lot too. that was the first time i did my devos that week O_o which is not a good sign. but my devos has gotten better since then. i got reaffirmed about my calling to missions so yeah. i guess thats good. Talked with Hannah T for the first time. she's cool pala like her sister :)) i thought she was my age but it turns out phoebe is the one my age pala O_o i thought she's 17. pala she's 19 and hannah is 21. :P anyway, i also bonded with achi pen :D talked about...stuff :)) she's cool rin.

Then we had didi's debut. much fun :) i know everyone had a good time. :0 most girls cried when sharing which is a good sign :P i got to dress up nice :)

then we had the tagaytay outing on the 29th. overnight in jeff's place :D super bonding talaga. as in the sabaw kind and the AG kind. :) im glad i got to share with those ppl and they got to share with me :) and we photoshooted a LOT :)) i missed didi na cuz we havent hung out much lately. but we have been rin kind of in a way. the sabios too. :)

so now im doing alright. have a post card to give to nix tomorrow so im hoping i see her. Jacq let me have it. i think the message makes a lot of sense. It says "Smile! hug people! Thank someone today. Life is too short for drama. Enjoy! Love a little. A message brought to you by SK Bel-Air" :)

so yeah. :) i guess thats it for now. i feel like my life was ripped to a million peices but its not starting to come back together. kind like when the T-1000 in terminator gets blown up he just forms back again. =)) sorry. i wanted to put an annalogy.

so to end with a quote so it looks like im smart ;) although i just quoted the post card thing-o. uuummmm. i cant think of any. =))

aryt. keep reading my blogs. and keep reading your bible :D gnyt people of plurk and of planet world. hugs to you all >:D< kisses are saved for my future girlfriend only :) heehee

L4D photoshop fun editted

the lighting on zoey annoyed me too much =)) and i added scratches and burned parts on the title. hahaha. i wanna photoshop more! its so fun!

plurk = venting station multiply = awesome pics and blogs FB = games and games :))

fixing issues...

im just gonna enjoy this weekend and put off all the stressful stuff. I'm gonna enjoy sembreak please and thank you!

ive decided to stick with multiply :P so if you wanna view my stuff from now on you know where to look :D hahaha. blogs coming up tomorrow hopefully :)

L4D photoshop fun

in case you're wondering, the 4 ppl on the left are from L4D 2. i just thought itd be cool to manip them together even if this is a very simple pic. hehe :)

How I met your missions!

Missions workshop this sat in the women's room behind the info desk! 4-6pm :D hope you guys can make it. :) the vid says social hall but its wrong :P hehe

Pics for Missions Video

packing at gcf....thursday...with nix

so today we packed again. well...not really. today is thursday. ni texted me in the morning that she was at church at 11am so i headed over. slightly wrong motives :\

i hung out with her a lot today. i wanna write down the things we talked about that i can remember. why? cuz i dont want to forget it. She told me one crazy thing she would like to do is swim in a pool of jello. :D cute :D We talked about how when we are young things that arent a big deal are a big deal to us. she told me that tami cried cuz she wanted stickers but her mom told her they are using the money to donate for the relief goods :P heh...childhood troubles :P ummm what else pa. she told me she brought one of my letters to school. one where i told her that in the future we are gonna take our kids (not meaning that me and her have kids of our own but that would work for me too :P :)) ) to disneyland when we both have families. her classmate who read it cried cuz she said it was so touching :P

Me and nix packaged rice together. we walked to the far 711 just so we could walk together. didnt buy anything :P took pics in ortigas park heehee...in the lobby...at one time...she lay down in my lap :> wow.

everything today with her was awesome. except one thing. she borrowed my phone once. then she didnt want me to see what she was doing. she was typing. at first i thought that maybe she was gonna leave me a message in my drafts. sweet huh? :P nooo...i think she used my phone to text robin. :(

She answered my question na tho. why she likes robin. i think she felt uncomfortable telling me tho. she told me to turn around while she talked. we sat back to back lang. nothing she said surprised me tho. it was the usual. he's smart, he doesnt judge her, he makes her feel good...that could be me couldnt it? I hope so. i hope that i can win after the 3 month. i can! i can win. i can. if i believe it hard enough i can.

so thats it for now. wiiii...im in love but im paranoid. the usuals. matt...this blog is just for you. keep straight edge bro.

Wednesday packing relief goods at GCF

this will be a short blog cuz im really tire. today i packed stuff at church again. it was really good. as in i felt like we got so much done. so much rice and crackers and water :D got there at 11am. liam was there already :D then sjay showed up. nix and riana too :D

Lots of the MT were there! Me, Najee, Tim V, Rae Belle, Andie, Jamie, Ariel, and Phoebe. It wasnt a misisons team project but im really glad all of them came to help out :D

Spent most of the day with nix. miss bonding with her :) attended bible study at 8. then went home at 9. wooooo. fuuun day but very tiring. ill go again tomorrow. i really feel burdened to help. although im not brave enough to go out. ill just stay and help pack nalang cuz its an important job too.

so yeah. i hope the upcoming typhoons arent bad. one is supposed to come tomorrow O_o

Keep praying guys!

Stay drug and alcohol free. Stay Straight Edge!

She replied finally

Nix is ok. :) her mom finally replied to me just now. maaaaaaaaaaaan. im so relieved. was freakin worried about her the whole day. as in from when i woke up till now. Thank You God for keeping her safe :)

Monday-Sunday. sept 22-29. Missions Week at school. Flooding Weekend.

So this has been a super crazy week. As in! ok ok, imma start at the begining of the week.

It was Missions Week at school, meaning we focus on missions and stuff and morning classes are cancelled to make way for seminars. On tuesday, i gave a talk about missions and how students can help out. I made a message about all the stuff MT has done in church. When i made the powerpoint, i kinda got senti. :)) saw pics of Barbie, Minneli, Ams, and Cara :) haaaaaaay, i kinda miss them in MT. Not that there's any problem with the MT now. It's actually awesome, but i just miss the older members. ate ces too. :(

Going back, the talk went well. :) Then on Wed, i had practice cuz i played in the P&W team at school for the first time. practice took....a while. :)) but thats ok. i guess their practicing system isnt that refined yet. and many of the members are perfectionists. like they'll tell you what to play and when to play it...not much room for adlibbing or feeling the music. I just need to get used to it. hehe. The P&W on thursday went well enough.

On friday, i was the emcee. it went ok. i was kinda dead tired tho. =)) OH WAIT! going back....the night before that, Mama's GReG girls slept over here. IT was fun. :D Louise, Lady, Rona, and Joycee. bonded a bit. :) I found out Louise watches wrestling pa also! is there any more things me and her could have in common? parang everything na. :))

SO then after Emcee-ing. i hung out at school a bit. slept a lot. yeah  yeah blah blah blah :)) Felt sick. on friday. Went to church....felt TERRIBLE. as in. attended BS and FT meeting.

 Saturday...i woke up early and preppared for the missions team meeting. Prepped a devo. Then Maow asked me to go to church with him early to help with the backdrop cuz Nats couldnt come. the rain was kinda strong....ok...it was super strong. :)) People started texting me if the MT meeting would be canceled. so eventually i canceled it.

So i went with maow and got the YC opened. LIAM SHOWED UP! AS IN HE TOOK THE BUS! O_O hahaha! so we finished painting the camo on the "LIVE" it looks awesome! but we started getting nervous cuz the roof was making noise. and you know how the roof colapsed before cuz of the rain. we were listening to truth and dare by newgrounds...then maow said i dont like the line "the roof has colapsed and im standing in the pouring rain" =)) it started leaking nga in some sections!

The missions team food showed up...for 10 people! :)) so we ate two each :P fish sticks. was awesome! i ate 3 desserts pa :P anyway, after taht, liam came to our house and we played batman arkham assylum. his dad got stranded so he slept over here.

SUNDAY. there was like no one in church. del rosarios and sabios lang.haha! we helped pack the relief goods with the adults. the orleans were there too so that was kinda cool. :) Had discipleship with migs for the first time. it was ok. the first is always just getting to know each other. :P but yeah. i hope we get into it soon :P

so today....well....i still feel sick since friday. :( going to the dentist later. cuz i got my braces removed! boo-yah! got it out on monday. so im into retainers na. it hurts tho. there's complications. basta it hurts a lot. so yeah.

hmmmmm...so yeah. crazy weekend. i hope everyone is ok. cuz the flood is pretty bad. riverside is flooded tot he roof O_O as in. its scary.

so yeah.i hope nix is ok. i cant text her eh. :( im worried for her.

The first dream

I woke up early today. real early. with no alarm. 6:30. i dreamed of her for the first time since i liked her. We were in a mall together....well...at first we were commuting or something but i dont remember that part too well. we were in a mall and she was gonna be picked up by her parents. I was telling her to mention to her parents that she met up with me, just so that they know. I know we also talked a bit abot me liking her and what i feel. yeah. it was kinda weird. but, i kept waking up, going back to sleep, and it was still her on my mind.

sometimes i think about the things she has told me in real life. and it still hurts. but i dont let it hurt too long, i shake it off and try to think of other things. Sometimes it also hits me that she's just 15. that scares me a lot.

God, please help me to be patient. super. i need to be. i want it to be in your time, if it will even happen at all. help me not to get hurt. and if it is Your will, please let things with her and the guy be over at the end of the 3 months.

...i often feel like this is it...this is my chance...my 3 months to get ahead of him.... but no. thats not what this is for. this is the PAUSE.....then why am i not playing in the band and going to her glee competition on sat? cuz as her best friend, i promised her i would go even before jourd asked me to play. that's why. :)

This is the PAUSE. for me...for her...for him.....God please let THEM be OVER at the end of the 3 months. PLEASE. but....Your will be done.

Me from 2004-2009 :)

me right now

so most of you probably know that ive been troubled lately. its really many things combine. as in super. why did they have to all be sabay-sabay? i feel that this isnt me being immature, but it is me being my right maturity and having to deal with something beyond it. i was listening to this song a while ago, entitled "dusk and summer" . i felt the lyrics a lot. most parts anyway.

She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough of her to hang on

Im gonna deal with it somehow i guess. ive been praying about it super hard already for a week. maybe i need to pray some more. God is teachig me a lesson talaga. its just hard to learn.

i told her

i kinda did the stupidest thing ever. i told nix i like her.

i had missions outreach in the morning. she came. lots of people came. when we were at church, she seemed really bothered and told me that she really needs to talk to me later and that im gonna be mad at her. that really scare me, but i had to focus on the outreach first.

In the van, she and i shared her ipod. the very first song she put on was Mona Lisa by AAR. "you can sit beside me when the world comes down..." we sound tripped together. she slept on my shoulder.

then we did the outreach...but ill talk about that in another blog.

when we were in the van going back, she started to tell me that she was really scared and that she's really stupid and that im gonna be mad at her. then she started crying. and i just hugged her i the van. only the people in front of me noticed i think. i felt so....bad to see my best friend cry. not just the girl i like, but my best friend. :(

When the MT got to lunch in Mcdo, i said i needed to talk to her already there. actually this part is all a blur to me now. :P so then she talked to me...

She told me that on thursday, robin and her kissed again. in their school. then the gaurds claimed they saw. and then thats when she freaked and called me that time i was in galle.  the she told me that she lied to her dad about it straight up to his face and thats why now she has to tell him. She was really scared to tell, but she knew she had to. and then she said "we might not see each other or talk to each other for a long time..."

i dont what came into my mind. there was a short battle. tell her. dont tell her. tel her. dont tell her. i said, "nix, remember on monday in national bookstore..." ok...i dont want to tpe it na. but i told her it wasnt nothing to me. i felt something. and then i told her everything. somewhere along the lines, she cried, then i cried. But the bottom line is she knows, and she's cool with it. a little too cool with it. she doesnt like me back tho. which sucks. but  yeah. I think she was too disturbed about her own problem that she couldn't process what i told her properly.

I told her that the reason i do nice things for her is because she's my best friend, not cuz i like her. and i told her not to misinterpret my actions. i just have to control myself now and make that statement true.

We talked about the thing in 5 years. she told me the deep down she never thought it would realy happen. i did to. 20 and 24. her and me. reivauating our relationship. i dunno.

I couldn't eat na that time talaga. as in she told me to eat so that she's not the only one eating. so i bit my chicken. bit lang. :)) i didnt eat any of it. i threw my fork across the room. haaaaaaaay. we stayed and talked about everything we had to. then we went back to church, talked somemore. i asked her if she honestly ever liked me. she said she thought she did during the time she came back from the states cuz i was the only one who understood her. at least once in my life i know now that its possible for a girl to like me, even if its slight lang.

Then nix went home to study.... i felt so stupid. like such an idiot. she kissed him again. she lied to her parents. i told her i liked her. she texed me "I'm really scared. Love you too. And thanks for telling me, by the way."

I talked to justine about it, cried a bit again. talked to najee and migs about it. cried there too. :)) im such a loser talaga. why am i so focused on what i feel?

at worship, they split the boys and the girls. nix texted me and said. "okay. :? I don't want to get through the service without you. it'll be hard." this was my best friend going through the worst time of her life. and i feel like such a jerk for only thinking about myself and my stupid feelings. so i left service early to talk to her. She was crying again. she told me she was so scared to tell her dad. but i told her that it was the right thing to do and the God will be pleased with her. i prayed for her. then we hugged. and said good bye. andi felt like i would not see my best friend for a long time. i felt like i would not see or hear from my sister anymore. oh and what else was she? just the girl i like? does that really matter more than the other two things she is to me?

finally, she texted me at 10-ish...it said "Bye. Thanks for everything." no smileys. i prayed for her right there like i promised i would. i replied with "You're welcome >:D< it will be ok."

Thats it. as in i feel like thats it. i felt so heavy. like my life stopped cuz of her. cuz of her problems. cuz of my problems. my life stopped for a week. i dont know how much longer its gona be stopped.. it hurts to think of her, and i feel so useless cuz i cant help her and i cant comfort her anymore  because i have no way to talk to her.

Strong knew i was bothered. He prayed for me. i cried again.

i might see her today. God, im sorry i disobeyed. im sorry im so stupid. pls dont let nix suffer any of the consequences for my disobedience of telling her. But teach her what she needs to learn, and teach me what i need to learn.

YM with Migs Sept 11,2009

Show Recent Messages (F3)

BUZZ!!!
miguel orleans: Hi Matt, so sorry for the delays
baby_webhead: its ok
baby_webhead: ummm...you're probably wondering what this is all about huh
baby_webhead: basically, im having an issue....and i think you can help me
miguel orleans: Honestly, yes. Hehe. But not coz I don't want to help coz I do. Hit me
baby_webhead: cuz i know you're mature enough to know what to do
baby_webhead: i need to tell you a story
baby_webhead: its a bit long tho
baby_webhead: and just so you know
baby_webhead: and this will sound super immature...its a love issue
baby_webhead: but its super affecting me
baby_webhead: and i want to ask what you think i should do
miguel orleans: No problem. We all have our weaknesses
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: so its like this
baby_webhead: whenever i walk to school, i pray to God about everything
baby_webhead: everyday
baby_webhead: and for a long time now ive been praying for who the girl for me is
baby_webhead: more specifically, ive prayed for this one girl at school, najee, and nix
baby_webhead: nix because she's my best friend
baby_webhead: and we're super close
baby_webhead: but anyway i felt like after months of praying God kinda hinted an answer to me
baby_webhead: cuz i had a date with najee on friday
baby_webhead: and she mentioned pa about how she wants to study in europe and stuff
baby_webhead: then on sunday i met nix
baby_webhead: and she told me that the guy she likes, who also likes her, was crying on the phone the day before
baby_webhead: cuz his family is moving to canada
baby_webhead: so i thought...najee MIGHT move away...nix's boy will move away
baby_webhead: so...ummm you see the "sign" i thought i was seeing?
baby_webhead: just making sure you get the first part of the story
miguel orleans: Yup. I do.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: so then i prayed for her more
baby_webhead: then on monday it was a holiday
baby_webhead: and she told me she was going to podium with her cousin
baby_webhead: so i said id meet her there
baby_webhead: to hang out
baby_webhead: cuz i rarely see her na
baby_webhead: then when i saaw her...ummm...wow
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: i got that feeling
baby_webhead: but yeah
baby_webhead: anyway
baby_webhead: moving on
baby_webhead: this is a secret k?
miguel orleans: Of course, you may band 1 brotha
miguel orleans: *my
baby_webhead: she told me that the boy...kissed her at their latest party
baby_webhead: and she was super scared to tell me
baby_webhead: but she did cuz im her best friend
baby_webhead: and honeslty i didnt feel anything at first
baby_webhead: so i told her its not ok, but whats done is done
baby_webhead: and then her cousin left us na
baby_webhead: and we went to national
baby_webhead: just the two of us
baby_webhead: and we sat in one of the book isles
baby_webhead: and i could tell that she felt really guilty about it
baby_webhead: and basically, we got kinda close
baby_webhead: and when she was leaning her head on my arm
baby_webhead: i kind held her hand
baby_webhead: and she didnt pull away naman
baby_webhead: in fact, after we shifted possitions and let go, she got my hand back
baby_webhead: and i know this isnt nothing to her cuz she made a big deal when that guy held her hand before
baby_webhead: anyway...i dunno if you know me...but im super sheltered talaga
baby_webhead: and i dont know if this is really not a big deal but it felt like one to me
baby_webhead: you still following?
miguel orleans: Yup. Thanx for checking
baby_webhead: so then...like my heart was all fast and stuff
baby_webhead: and then when she went home we texted each other that we miss each other more after hanging out
baby_webhead: and that we love each other
baby_webhead: cuz we do that na talaga
baby_webhead: but then it hit me that the guy kissed her na
baby_webhead: and he's making serious ligaw
baby_webhead: as in he visits her twice a week
baby_webhead: and calls everyday
baby_webhead: and her parents are fine with it
baby_webhead: and she likes him back
baby_webhead: SO NOW
baby_webhead: since she's my best friend, she tells me this stuff
baby_webhead: and it hurts super
baby_webhead: as in....its our midterm week and i barely studied cuz i couldnt focus
baby_webhead: i sleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her
baby_webhead: and since monday till now....it hurts super
baby_webhead: to think of her
baby_webhead: but when i talk to her, everything feels better
baby_webhead: my story is almost done
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: so ive been praying about it super
baby_webhead: and in my devos i was reading james
baby_webhead: God told me to tame my tongue, not be bitter or envious, and that i dont have because i dont ask with pure motives
baby_webhead: so ive been trying to not be bitter toward the guy
baby_webhead: which is hard
baby_webhead: and ive been asking God without selfish motives
baby_webhead: but i dont know what to do
baby_webhead: cuz im seeing her on sat
baby_webhead: and we're hanging out after the outreach
baby_webhead: and part of me wants to tell her so badly
baby_webhead: that that time holding hands with her wasnt just nothing
baby_webhead: i dunno
baby_webhead: migsssssss....what should i do????????
baby_webhead: it hurts so much lang
miguel orleans: Hmmm. Before anything else, I'm sorry the situation is hurtful for you. It's never easy to pray for someone, especially in the context of a lovelife. Lalo na if things aren't going your way, even if everything feels right.
miguel orleans: I have a question. It seems weird to ask, but I know that it matters. Diba she and the guy kissed? Sa lips ba yun? Did she kiss him back? Bakit siya guilty about that?
baby_webhead: lips
miguel orleans: I'm trying to understand also where she's coming from kasi.
baby_webhead: guilty cuz when she told me they held hands, i told her to be careful cuz their not even BF/GF yet and i know if they do become...things will go ....more than that
baby_webhead: then yeah
baby_webhead: they kissed na
baby_webhead: and keep in mind that they are freakin 15 years old
baby_webhead: is it immature of me to feel this way?
baby_webhead: if you're wondering why this is on ym, its cuz i need to know what to do na...i cant wait to talk to you face to face
miguel orleans: Honestly, it really depends on how you look at it. As someone who genuinely cares about his girl best friend (whether there are feelings for her or not), it's normal to feel sad, hurt, and even bitter. Coz let's face it, we're not perfect.
miguel orleans: I understand, bro. No worries. Anyway,
miguel orleans: whether its normal for you to hold hands or not (coz your best friends naman, normal ba yun para sa inyo?),
baby_webhead: its not normal for us....and it was not just friends holding hands
baby_webhead: for me
baby_webhead: migs?
miguel orleans: Sorry, I was thinking about how I'm gonna explain. Hehe. Don't worry bro, I won't leave you hanging. Anyway,
miguel orleans: whether normal or not, it's a very unsafe gesture (lalo na for close friends na boy and girl), coz our feelings can get the best of us. Believe me, I've had my share of letting feelings get in the way and knowing that physical touch (will always feel good), we should really be careful.
baby_webhead: i know
miguel orleans: Syempre pag hug at beso, normal naman talaga yun for good friends. But like you said, diba, yung her and the guy kissing. Kissing may be steps ahead of holding hands, but it's pretty much along the same path.
miguel orleans: Does the girl know you like her? Or she's clueless?
baby_webhead: she doesnt know
baby_webhead: but ive been dropping so many clues na
baby_webhead: and i dont think she's blind naman
baby_webhead: its just
baby_webhead: the age old question comes up
baby_webhead: to risk the friendship or not
baby_webhead: and if i do risk, can i beat this guy?
baby_webhead: cu if im gonna tell her, im doing it this saturday
miguel orleans: That's true. Love is definitely a risk, which is why my advice is not to tell her. I'll explain it in two ways ah: praying for her (which is the long term one) and your situation with her right now (the short term one).
miguel orleans: By saying that's true, I mean the age old question ah.
baby_webhead: pls explain
baby_webhead: i need to know why
baby_webhead: dont leave me hanging...
miguel orleans: The way I see it is whether she just likes the guy or she just likes you or both (regardless kung sino ang lamang), she is, at the moment, confused. Or torn. Coz one day, she kisses the guy back. Another day, she holds your hand.
baby_webhead: then?
miguel orleans: I'm not so particular with the difference in gesture, but kissing is definitely more than holding hands, which is an indication that she most likely likes him more. Kaya hurtful ang situation for you
baby_webhead: i know i know
baby_webhead: i need to know what to do lang
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: I understand, bro. Forgive me for having to build it up first
miguel orleans: I promise you, the pain will be easier to bear if you are able to see everything laid out. Coz as guys, we are not into details eh. We don't naturally have an eye for that, unlike girls
baby_webhead: sige sige
baby_webhead: go for it
baby_webhead: just type
baby_webhead: my family will pray first
baby_webhead: but tyoe lang
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Ok
baby_webhead: im back na
baby_webhead: go on
miguel orleans: One of the things I've learned is to also know whether the girl you like is ready to be in a relationship or not. In general lang yun ah. Syempre, only you know the answer to that question coz best friend mo siya.
baby_webhead: the thing is
miguel orleans: No offense to your best friend ah. But a guy who suddenly kisses her outside a romantic relationship has much to learn about love, and it also says a lot about a girl who would go for someone like that. I'm not judging her character ah, I'm just trying to analyze and evaluate the lovelife part of her.
baby_webhead: yes i know
baby_webhead: its just ive stood back and watched this happen so many times...angel and luigi, jasper and didi
baby_webhead: and i just think that maybe if i do something....maybe she'd take me as a better option over him
baby_webhead: i dunno
baby_webhead: im not thinking straight na siguro
miguel orleans: Do you feel that you're running out of time coz she might end up with the guy?
baby_webhead: YES
baby_webhead: and it sucks
baby_webhead: but at the same time, if i tell her and she still ends up with the guy, then i lost the friendship as well
miguel orleans: My point exactly, bro
baby_webhead: its just...i dont know how to deal with the hurt if i dont do anything about it
miguel orleans: Do you think and feel that God is telling you to confess your feelings to her already?
baby_webhead: i feel like God is playing with me
baby_webhead: like he set this up just so that  id go back to him
baby_webhead: and i did
baby_webhead: but now i dont know
baby_webhead: ...
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: honeslty
baby_webhead: i think God doesnt want me to
baby_webhead: but everything in me wants to
baby_webhead: so freakin badly
baby_webhead: and i dont know how to deal with it anymore
baby_webhead: its been on my mind 24\7 since monday
baby_webhead: and i feel like im falling apart na
baby_webhead: im so sorry if im keeping you up late
miguel orleans: It's ok bro, don't worry about it. By the way, I told Naj she doesn't have to wait for you na. I know that we're gonna have a long conversation, and she needs to sleep already since she has to go to work early tomorrow. So yun, nagpasabi na lang siya sa akin
baby_webhead: hahaha
baby_webhead: ok ok
miguel orleans: This is exactly where I'm coming from, bro. When everything is actually in God's perfect timing, there are no rushes, no hesitations, no negative feelings, no conflicting sentiments within.
miguel orleans: Do you believe in the statement "Kung para sayo, para sayo..."
baby_webhead: i guess so
miguel orleans: Kung kayo din naman ang para sa isa't-isa, magkakatuluyan din kayo sa huli (whether other girlfriends or boyfriends come to your or her life).
miguel orleans: People usually say these things to simply comfort a person, but I believe it's Biblical, if God is in the picture.
baby_webhead: i think ive been obeying my parents so long and doing the "mature and right thing" since i was 15....and now im so sick and tired of feeling like im being stepped on just because im the only one doing whats right...and yeah i know God's best and God's will and all...but i feel if i dont ever make my moves, it wont happen also
miguel orleans: His will will always happen in the end, it's actually our wrong choices that cause us to sway from it, whether we make it on the basis of emotions, wants, or desires.
miguel orleans: I understand what you mean, bro. Coz as guys we are the initiators. We are the ones who pursue.
miguel orleans: It is never easy to do the right thing, especially when you're the only one doing it.
miguel orleans: We also have to consider the situation: she's only 15.
miguel orleans: I think that maturity has a lot to do with it as well. I'm not saying that both of you are immature ah.
miguel orleans: When you pray for her, what do you tell and ask God for?
baby_webhead: i ask God that if it's His will...it can be the two of us...and that He'd make it clear to me if im wrong. I ask that His will be done, but i let Him know that if no harm could come frm it being me and nix, that He'd let it happen
baby_webhead: and i pray He'd protect her also
baby_webhead: and ive been praying for this since classes started
baby_webhead: and i just thought God finally sent me a sign
baby_webhead: that that was it
baby_webhead: that it was her na
baby_webhead: but then i dont know what happend
baby_webhead: we held hands na and stuff
baby_webhead: but then its like it cant work pa
baby_webhead: parang...if i tell her i will still lose
baby_webhead: but if i dont tell her naman
baby_webhead: i have to pretend to be her best friend who doesnt like her
baby_webhead: and ill just get hurt nalang again and again
baby_webhead: like what  i did with Didi and Jasper
baby_webhead: and then up till now its them pa
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: thats what im thinking
baby_webhead: its a lose lose situation
baby_webhead: if i tell her, at least it will hurt less, but i might lose the friendship
baby_webhead: if i dont tell, i keep the friendship but i get hurt a lot
baby_webhead: as in a lot
miguel orleans: Given what we've been talking about so far, which do you think will please God more? Being just friends with her, or being more than friends?
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: you're right
baby_webhead: i shouldnt tell her
baby_webhead: but how do i deal with that?
baby_webhead: how do i pretend to not get hurt when she tells me about him?
miguel orleans: Matt, I hope I'm not sounding like I'm proving you wrong or anything like that. I apologize if that's what I'm making you feel, coz of how formal I am with my questions
miguel orleans: Do you believe that God will honor your decision (coz not telling her will please Him more), and trust that He will be your ultimate source of peace and comfort, even if right now we don't see it yet? Coz we just have faith to cling on to?
baby_webhead: i know you're right
baby_webhead: its just so hard to DO that
miguel orleans: I know. It always is. Super hard talaga yan.
baby_webhead: the thing is ...i dunno if i should try to stop the feeling
baby_webhead: or should i learn to live with it so i can wait for her
miguel orleans: Hmmm. Ok, the question is, how are you going to deal with the situation that she picks him even if you like her so best friend ka na lang (whether permanent or not), how will your relationship with her be, or actually continue? Tingin ko it can only have two results:
miguel orleans: either there is distance so you can move on, or ignore the feelings to still maintain the normal friendship with her.
miguel orleans: I, of course, prefer the latter, coz I never want a friendship to be cut coz of a more than friends realization. At the same time, we can't be mediocre and pretend diba.
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: this sucks so much
miguel orleans: This might answer you concern regarding the feelings. What do you think God is telling you? Entertain the feelings (even if we already know you shouldn't tell her), kill the feelings, or just let it stay there till it naturally withers?
miguel orleans: *your
baby_webhead: im just so confused why God would lead me to this
baby_webhead: cuz i was perfectly fine being her friend
baby_webhead: till i got that "sign"
baby_webhead: or what i thought as a sign
baby_webhead: cuz it was so perfect....in the matter of 2 days
baby_webhead: got put on over the other
miguel orleans: Coz He loves us, and He wants to build our character to be better and stronger Christians
baby_webhead: right
baby_webhead: oh man
miguel orleans: Is it really a sign from God that He wants you to be more than friends with her? Or maybe just a process of elimination that doesn't even contribute to a lovelife?
baby_webhead: i dont know!
baby_webhead: i feel like im gonna explode na from keeping this in
miguel orleans: Is pursuing her a unity of the mind and of the heart? That there's a balance between being objective and being emotional?
baby_webhead: cuz you're the first person im telling as in no one knows this pa
miguel orleans: Ah.
baby_webhead: sige...i guess ill try to suck it up for another week and see what happens
baby_webhead: but i dont know what to do lang when she asks me whats wrong
baby_webhead: cuz she can tell
baby_webhead: thats why she's my best friend
baby_webhead: i cant lie naman
miguel orleans: Ah talaga. Matt, I'll try my best to help you out even in that area.
baby_webhead: what can i do there?
baby_webhead: (sorry, we're almost done na  )
miguel orleans: It's really ok
miguel orleans: Hmmm. You need to have an outlet.
miguel orleans: The best outlet is an honest, sincere, and truthful conversation with God.
miguel orleans: Tell Him everything. As in everything. Like how you've been so transparent and open to me.
baby_webhead: yeah
baby_webhead: can i update you with this situation
miguel orleans: Of course, bro
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: And always keep in mind that when you're with her, you are her best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. That makes God very happy.
baby_webhead: i just have one more question
baby_webhead: cuz people always say that when God's best comes, it will be so clear and God will makeit all work out easily
baby_webhead: what if God wants us to fight for her talaga
baby_webhead: whatif tahts how he wants it to happen?
miguel orleans: The thing with us guys is we're very objective and logical. That's why when something subjective happens, we get all emotional. We lose control.
miguel orleans: Hmmm. This is the way I see it:
miguel orleans: fighting should and must happen only when we are very sure of the girl we are fighting for. Spiritual maturity is the most important factor, because her character ought to stem from that (her emotional, mental, and even psychological aspects combined).
miguel orleans: Also, "work out easily" means being sensitive to God's provision, meaning, opportunities to pursue and even fight for the girl if needed.
baby_webhead: ok
miguel orleans: That's why bending our will towards His is very important to recognize in prayer, coz if we don't do this, we will simply manipulate the situations we have with the girl.
miguel orleans: At the same time, we also have to strike a balance between that and fighting, should the situation call for it. Coz some guys don't even have competition.
miguel orleans: Lovelives, like lives in general, are always unique. That's why maturity is essential, which also comes with age.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: i understand now
baby_webhead: that since she's not ready, i cant even consider going for it cuz it wont work
baby_webhead: and if i wait God will honor it and make it work out at the right time
baby_webhead: right?
miguel orleans: From what I see, yes. I don't think she's ready. She's just being emotional (kissing and holding hands with two different guys). Honestly, bro, I think you're being emotional as well, and I say that with love, from one imperfect Christian to another.
miguel orleans: Yes, you can never go wrong with waiting on God.
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: thanks
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Sometimes, even when things fall into place, God's sense of humor can suddenly turn things around.
baby_webhead: right
miguel orleans: Or when it seems like everything is actually provided by Him, bigla niyang lalagyan ng twist.
miguel orleans: He's a very fun God
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: *Niyang
baby_webhead: oki....pray for me nalang also....cuz i have to try to not let this affect my studies and ministries anymore
miguel orleans: From this situation, I can sense that you handled the situation in a more mature way than your best friend
miguel orleans: Definitely, bro. That is also another factor. God's best shouldn't take you away from your other responsibilities that are more important: studies, ministry, family.
miguel orleans: If she's meant for you, God will prepare and touch her heart for such a time.
miguel orleans: That applies to us guys, too
baby_webhead: right
miguel orleans: That's the beauty of it, coz He's in control. No amount of competition will get in the way
baby_webhead: ok
baby_webhead: thanks so much for listening to this stupid story
miguel orleans: It's not stupid, believe me
miguel orleans: I prefer to call it matters of the heart. In your case, MATTers of the heart
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: wala na
baby_webhead: its corny na
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Hahaha  True
baby_webhead: sige
baby_webhead: thanks again
baby_webhead: ill keep on working on it
baby_webhead:
miguel orleans: Kaya mo yan bro. When you trust in Him, He will bless and honor you more. Even if sometimes, we don't see it happening
miguel orleans: Since love is about taking risks and diving in, it can also mean taking risks and diving out
miguel orleans: Or jumping out, rather
baby_webhead: but at the right time only
baby_webhead: hehe
baby_webhead: blessed singleness nalang!
baby_webhead: jk
miguel orleans: Yup. Hehe. Naku. Gusto ko magkapamilya eh
baby_webhead: me too
baby_webhead:
baby_webhead: haaaaaaaaaaay
miguel orleans: Bata pa tayo, darating din yan
baby_webhead: right
baby_webhead: anyway yeah...i think we should sleep na
baby_webhead: well...at least i should
baby_webhead: cuz i easily get my sleeping sched messed up
miguel orleans: Haha. No problem. Ako din, actually.
miguel orleans:
baby_webhead: thanks talaga
miguel orleans: Anytime, bro.
baby_webhead: gnyt!

I havent felt this much drama since high school days :P

September 7...Podium Day

On September 7, 2009 a lot of stuff happened. ok, so maybe it started a bit earlier than that. It's like this. Everyday when i walk to school, i pray for a lot of things. one of these things is that God will show me who the girl is. you know. THE girl. :)) anyway, ive been praying for that for a while already. Then the weekend came. I really wasnt expecting anything but as it turns out, i got a few coincidences that were too perfect. It got me thinking that maybe it was God finally making things clearer.

Friday i got a text from najee. she said she wanted to hang out. so we did. long story short, she told me she's still hung up on studying in europe and her dad said if she does, then she has to work there. She also told me her application for the scholarship is almost ready, then she'll apply na. So yeah it kind of struck me that she's gonna be leaving. I didnt think much of it at the time. Then on sunday....ummm yeah....i met nix in the lobby. She told me that she had been on the phone with Robin and that he told her his family would be moving to Canada. :P Even though i didn't say anything, in the back of my mind if wasreally happy. :)) so mean right? but yeah i was. :P Then it made me think why Najee is leaving eventually, but so is the guy who likes nix. hmmmmmm. you see what i mean?

So i continued to pray about it. and that leads me to the events of today. haaaaaaaay. i was texting nix in the morning and she said she was going to podium with riana. so i said id meet her there. I already had the feeling id be getting another sign...i dunno why. So i met them at figaro. and we talked and stuff. fun. the usuals. then at one point, nix stood up and pulled riana to one side and they taked about something. then nix said she had to tell me something. and se was really scared to tell me. and she made me promise not to get angry when she told me. so i was already preparing myself for something big. She told me to walk with her while riana stayed so taht we could talk for a bit. Anyway, as we walked i just asked her, "so robin kissed you?" i could already tell that that was it.She said yeah. It was at the friday party. all her friends got drunk except the two of them. and then when they were away on one side together he kissed her. that stupid.....freakin....guy....kissed...her......

honestly i didnt know what to say or how to react. i told her it wasnt ok but whats done is done. so we went back to riana. i could tell nix felt awkward already. at one point, she held my hand underthe table. i dunno. to check if i was ok. naturally, i ...liked it. :\

sothen we walked around podium some more.Raina left. her mom picked her up. then me and nix walked around and stuff. looked at shoes and other stuff. anyway, we went to national and sat down in one isle. she was sitting kind of far from me so i told her to move closer. so she did. she put her arm in my arm. as we talked about her....how she felt and stuff...i was looking down at her hand. and i dont knwo why but i just held her hand. dang it. it was amazing. we talkd there lang. and she just rested her head on my arm and we held hands. we shifted possitions and let go, then held hands again. i wanted to tell her that i liked her and had been praying abouther. but i wasnt that stupid. :P im gonna wait for it. for the right time.

now you probably understand why im so confused. Robin is leaving, but he kissed her. but i held hands with her. whaaaaat am i doing???? :( honeslty, ive been super pissed off at the fact that he kissed her. im not mad at anyone in particular. im just mad that it happened. i know its his fault. but he's a stupid 15 year old. im not. so i have to control myself more and do the right thing.

The worst part was before we separated, she told me how she felt about the kiss, and how much she liked it >:( IWJEIJERJLAKSJDKLAMLF:IJAWJLFJKLAMSJ it pisses me off a lot.
 
haaaaaaaaaay. so nix and i texted the rest of the day. told each other how much we miss each other and that we love each other. thats pretty much it. thats where im at now. i wish the 3 years would go by sooner so robin would be gone.thats how long before he moves to canada. 3 freakin years. God, give me patience please.

what a day. september 7. what a day.

Tagged by Jai on Facebook

But i wanted to post it here :P

Questions randomly generated by http://mct421.deviantart.com/art/Question-Meme-Generator-69266481

1. What musical instrument would Najee most likely play?
wow....ummmm...violin! =))

2. Ever slept in the same room with Nix?
nopez....she slept but i didnt. :)) in the youth center :P

3. What do you think of Jel?
She's cool :)

4. In a race between you, Justine and a Care Bear, who would win?
Siyempre the care bear will win =))

5. What would you do without Sjay?
Play rhythm and some other guy would play lead ;) hehe

6. Have you ever had lunch together with Majar?
A lot. dinners too. wehehe. food court?

7. What's Jeff's opinion on cheese?
He likes it. its yellow like his skin!!! =)) peace jeff!

8. What is Strong's favorite TV show or movie?
ummm....wow....i dont really know....enchanted? :)) So close.... wehehe....

9. Do you trust Dave?
With what? hahaha! he might do something eh. :P

10. Does Jairah have any pets?
Jairoh :P

mixed pictures :P

yes...i know its me and a lot of different girls. get over it :))

Lots of Blogs in one :P

I've been wanting to write blogs for a while na. hehehe. anyway, since im so behind on thigns to write about, here's many blogs in one.

1. Straight Edge Adventure
After we watched smackdown in araneta, i so wanted to buy a CM Punk shirt :P :)). it cost 900 at araneta. Anyway, a few months later Kev P messaged me on facebook saying they had the shirts at megamall. So i told maow to check it out when he got his hair cut there the next day. After that, i didnt think about it the rest of the day. hehe. but when i got home maow told me he saw them! So i ran over to mega right after maow told me. I was so excited. So i ran over and checked it. The biggest was a medium. darn it. im an XL guy. but i decided to try it anyway. :)) wala lang. BUT! it turns out that its like american sizes cuz i fit!!!!!!!!!!!! O_O freakin awesome! but now the story gets more interesting.....:P

I went out of Mega and saw water POURING down the road. as i walked, i saw that it was coming from a whole lotta rain! as in it was pouring rain! so i decided to wait it out cuuz i had no umbrella. so i bummed at Toy Kingdom muna then went back out. still pouring. so for some bizzare reason i decided to brave the storm. I decided to take the rocky walk way by the car park. half way down, parts of the path were getting flooded. then when i looked up, i was shocked to see that down the road it was flooded completely. as in. no dry parts at all. so basically i was too far to turn back so i .....walked through the muddy water. sick. it was like up to my ankles. shucks.

But it was worth it. hahaha!

2. Eight Papers!
it was a holiday on friday. finally. do you know what that means for me? 4 DAY WEEKEND! cuz i never have classes on mondays :P :D it was awesome. but the only problem was i got in sembreak mode :))

Midterms was coming up...well it still is. next week. but anyway....i procrastinated. O_O So that weekend i ended up having to cram papers. not only the weekend. every night. id come home, eat dinner, then do papers till 1. so ive been killing myself lately with school. finished 8 papers. guess what. they added 2 more. waaaaaaaaaaah.

so now i swamped. and ministry is getting tough. im worship team tomorrow n next week is missions team. :(( i hate this.

3. i dunno what to call this one :P

Ive been senti mode lately. dreaming of people doesnt help either. It also doesnt help that im not close with my church friends na. i feel like im so out of the loop with them. like they have issues but i dont know them. i cant help them na.

and i dont get to hang out with my best firend anymore. i see her once every 6 weeks or so. it makes me depressed.

anywaaaaaay. at least i got to hang out with najee today. :) it was a lotta fun :) we got to talk about a lot of stuff that i dont get to talk about with other people. i miss being able to talk to people like that. like not having to make sure i say the "right" things and i just get to talk. :) and i also miss having people make kwento about how their lives are. at least najee shared. =)

hmmmmmmm....emo music trip is helping :))

ok ok....so to end, im just really overwhelmed with life. its rough, but then again its just another trial. and trials build perseverence which prove our faith to be genuine (James 1). haaaaaaaay baaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay =))

Toys r us with the freshies

Messiah natsci trip to Teresa Rizal

took a bus, and jeep, and a tricycle. ended up talking to the mayor and even the dude in charge of the waste management. he gave us a hard time :)) anyway, it was fun :D

finally i can write a blog again :D

Im finally not too busy so i can blog :D Actually i was inspired by tiara's blog. hahaha! it was so nice to read so i wanted to blog too :P

Anyway, life's been kinda crazy lately. As in Worship Team stuff, MIssions Team stuff, School stuff, and friend stuff have been all so busy.

IN the worship team, guitarists are kinda in demand now...actually all instruments :)) i got to play lead again yesterday which was awesome! Jess asked me eh. and perfect timing too cuz i really wanted to play na :) I miss band one tho. I mean the way we work is just awesome :)) This is my blog k so im bias for my band and i can say what i want =)) ummm...ive been practicing myself a bit lately. I want to get good with a pick....i know it sounds lame but i dont know how to use one properly. alternate picking and all. So hopefully i improve. I was able to use a pick na for most of the line up yesterday  :D

Missions Team naman...we're prepping for our outreach. I just need to confirm it. At the last meeting, jel and justine didnt want to pray when i assigned them to. But i forced them :)) i felt like the missions team is so young now. I miss barbie, ams, nica, minneli, najee...those days. the missions 360 days:P hahaha. those were awesome :D I hope the next gen kids grow up well in the missions team. Justine is doing really well tho. as in really well :) im proud of her :)

School stuff is rough. lotsa papers. and i dislike field trips :)) especially natsci field trips. we just get assigned a place and we have to commute there. and we dont know what we're looking for pa. :\ i have to get to school at 9:30 tomorrow for that :\

what else...today i just rested. maow watched 2 movies  on cable. hahaha. one was Awake, about a guy who wasnt given enough anestecia so he could feel his heart transplant happening :)) i hated it! i hate operations :)) the other one was something Vegas, starring cameron diaz and astin kutcher. that one i liked more :p basically they got married in vegas when they were drunk and won 3 million dollars. so they were sentanced to stay married for 6 months before splitting the money...on the way they fell in love. :P awww :x

so im doing ok naman. kinda gone through some rough stuff but im old enough to brush it off na. Which is a good thing. no more emo crap. :))

So yeah. love life is on pause. haaaay.

yep yep.

to end, i remembered an old quote i read in a gaming magazine. it said "play hard, study harder" :D and the lesson is, you have to play HARD rin :))

coffee and chocolate high beats any low :D wooooooo...over came that for now :D

Jia Hardy and Nix Rogue

ok so i was fooling around in photoshop. I wanted to just mess around with hair colors but then i got into trying to change clothes colors too. Jia kinda got a Jeff hardy look and Nix has a Rogue look :P hehehe. 3 hours of photoshop fun and messing around :D I miss doing this!

Sunday tambay

Pics with Nix and Jel

Messiah Pics!

ummm pics ive taken in messiah. On the couch in front of the library, and ecopark.

If anyone seeing WWE shirts being sold in greenhills (specifically the CM Punk shirt) please let me know! Thanks! :D

Y2J talking and Rey entrance

Jeff Hardy Vs CM Punk Whisper in the Wind

Jeff Hardy Vs CM Punk Swanton Bomb Attempt

Dreamer Swagger Christian powerbomb suplex to finish

Dolph Ziggler talking and Khali interupts

Christian tornado DDT on swagger

just watched UFC 100...brock is a jerk.

Watching Smackdown Live at Araneta =D

freakin awesome night! Saw Y2J, Jeff Hardy and CM PUNK!!!!! Cheered my lungs out the whole show :P wehehehe. Straight Edge for life! :)) Got pretty good seats. closest in upper box B. Watched with my bros and Michael...the cousin of Jai :P

Before the show we prayed that no one would get injured :) no one did naman :D Praise God. AWESOME SHOW!

short hair matt

good bye to my long CM Punk hair :P

good bye long hair...

Because Ive been tagged twice for this

and i saw james do it too =))
School is making me a not so happy person right now

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage: Water
2. last phone call: Nix
3. last text message:  Eric...sent a GM
4. last song you listened to: Three Cheers for Five Years
5. last time you cried: ummmm...sometime during this summer :P

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice: in the sense that we went out together twice, yes. In the sense that we were DATING...no
7. been cheated on: No
8. kissed someone & regretted it : never kissed someone
9. lost someone special: i dunno

10. been depressed: a lot...not recently tho :D
11. been drunk and threw up: threw up without being drunk...does that count? :))

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Blue
13. Black
14. Orange

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: Yes
16. Fallen out of love:  Yes
17. Laughed until you cried: not yet i think
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: not really
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nopez
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All
23. How many kids do you want to have: 4 :D
24. Do you have any pets: zerooo
25. Do you want to change your name: No! i like my name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: i think i had people over to the house and we ate pizza.
27. What time did you wake up today: 7am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: texting didi :D
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: GRADUATION
30. Do you have plants: No...but i will soon. School project
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: be more committed.
32. What are you listening to right now?:  maow play monkey ball...and talk talk talk talk talk.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: I think so....maybe...i cant rememebr!!!!
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?: School!!!!!
35. Most visited webpage: Multiply :D homepage
36. Whats your real name?:  Matthew Del Rosario
37. Nicknames: Matt, Mattie, Matty, thats it i think :p
38. Relationship Status?: Single
39. Zodiac sign?: i....have....no....idea
40. Male or female?:  Male
41. Elementary?: finished with that! :))
42. Middle School?: Finished that too! boi!
43. High school? : guess what....FINISHED!!!!!!!!!
44. Hair colour?: Black
45. Long or short? : longish
46. Height?: 5’8
47. Do you have a crush on someone?:  Yes....a few :))
48: What do you like about yourself?: id rather not think about this right now
49. Piercing?: lip ring ;p
50. Tattoos?:  a pepsi logo on my shoulder! :))
51. Righty or lefty?: Righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery:  nothing serious pa
53. First piercing:  none
54. First best friend: Nicah Santos
55. First sport you joined: i dont do sports...im a bum
56. First vacation: The states!!!!! O_O
58. First pair of trainers: What's that?

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: No
60. Drinking: No
61. I'm about to: sleep
62. Listening to: Mark and My mom talk about....relationships =))
63. Waiting on: God....

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? : Yes
65. Get Married?: Yes PLEASE
66. Career?:  yes =)) =)) =))

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses : Hugs
69. Shorter or taller: Shorter...:D
70. Older or Younger : Younger....girls hate boys that arent older than them
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
72. Nice butt or nice legs:  O_O oh my......thats stumble
73. Sensitive or loud : Sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship:  Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No
77. Drank hard liquor: Nope
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Not yet
79. Sex on first date: Never
80. Broken someone's heart:  Nope...i never had anyone's heart
81. Had your own heart broken: Yes. YEs. YES
82. Been arrested: No
83. Turned someone down: in terms of relationships? nope....never been in a situation to do so
84. Cried when someone died : sometimes
85. Fallen for a friend?:  ALL THE TIME...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: not really.. :))
87. Miracles: Yes
88. Love at first sight: No
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus : No
91. Kissing on the first date: No
92. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time : Not had any
95. Did you sing today?: Yes. Who doesnt?
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? i dont want to go back...i want to go forward
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it: wow...whatta question...i dunno
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Yes...it sucks
100. Posting this as 100 truths? : Nopezzzz

Yey. That was fun :)

School sucks :) But God wants me to do it :D

2 dudes get drunk while teaching how to solve the rubik's cube!

YouTube - The Rubik's Cube Rap

Just found this!!! I thought it was gonna be stupid but it turned out to be awesome! =))

tonight i realized

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I'm tired of trying to help people with their problems and always ending up being the bad guy! PLS DON'T EVER ASK ME FOR HELP UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!




That's all.

STAND Camp Reunion Pics

BEST CAMP REUNION EVER!

Made a new slideshow for my home page :P

Check it out! :P Anyway i was looking at my old one and decided to make a new one. All my memories from Passion Camp till Stand Camp :D so yeah. ITs fun. I didnt remove the old slideshow cuz its cute to see old pics :P :)) Anyway, you can view it here too :P